I really liked your use of 2nd person here! You really captured the life of what it's like to have to go to work every day. My favorite line was 'the lady in the next cube never learned to type properly, so she hovers her hands ten feet above the keys and smashes them down like a game of whack-a-mole' although there were many very memorable lines. Your second sentence really communicated the mood. The last paragraph was the most powerful, showing us how the working world robs us of our dreams...

Interesting quote. It doesn't have a specific direction, and is a bit useless because our thoughts are so unfocused we can't get to the deep level of true introspection because the quote leaves so much unknown. It doesn't seem to have an apparent purpose. The writer could be talking about schizophrenia, dementia, stress, anxiety, or nothing in particular. We don't know.

In the first paragraph, you're telling, not showing. This is a glaring error as two sentences in a row you have two examples of lazy work; "...anxious to find out what news..." and "...worried he might miss something important..." The second paragraph is slightly better although you still have bad errors. What you should have done is start the story right in the middle of the action. A general rule is not to introduce too many details and characters right away, and start with action. Let Krel...

I really loved how you incorporated all of the senses in the beginning, and I liked how you brought everything into focus slowly, showing the mood. I think that the very first sentence was a little unecessary, and the reader would have been more captivated and would wonder more if you left out "The funeral had been somber and barren." The whole opening paragraphs would have a stronger effect, and would have been less overshadowed by that looming first sentence. Some of it was slightly confusi...

Interesting metaphor, but I found it a little overly theatrical. I never had the patience to read things like this, paragraphs detailing depression. This is telling the reader that this person is depressed, albeit in a flowery manner. I think that it is very out of place and I don't think it would be able to fit in a book, but I can't really judge because it's out of context. I would suggest you instead use actions instead of this metaphor to show what you need to say, but I liked the imagery...

I loved the beginning! You started this story with a bang, and didn't let the readers down. The sentence "Or should I say; nightmares." is gramatically incorrect. The semicolon is unecessary and only chops up the sentence. Instead, write: "Or should I say nightmares?" I found myself laughing and enjoying the story up until the point "“Hey Holly, what’d the shrink say?”". After that, the rest of the story went stereotypical. ALL young adult books are about teenagers wanting to be popular and p...

Great poem! The "this is not the end of things." line really left the reader thinking. Very Stephen King-esque. This reminds me of one of his short stories. This reads more like part of a novel instead of a poem, maybe you could expand it into such?

The ending was great! Beautiful piece with just the right amount of backstory worked in. I was a little confused about who the narrator was at first until halfway through, but I really liked the ending. The coughing was a nice touch to the mother's character, and gave her a certain gruff, elderly personality. This could very much be expanded.

Loved it! My favorite line was "Some people sit complacent on the sidelines". I saw some spelling mistakes near the end of the work. Namely, "It makes your heart finally whoe" and "SOmethign that completes your life" Whole, and something is what you meant? I think you need stronger word choice and you should mix in some creative metaphors to add texture to your poem.

First issue; would someone frown if they heard a crash? Or would they jump? I think maybe frowning is too mild. Second issue; "stopped with her mouth gapping" should be 'gaping' not 'gapping'. Interesting story. Other then those couple of mistakes, pretty well written. Looks like a scene from a novel.