Rika_Ricardson's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 23
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 23
When people ask me who I am, I tell them I am a writer. I don’t mess around with a description of my accomplishments throughout my career, even when I’m trying to impress I reply with four simple words.
I. Am. A. Writer.
Those words uttered are an accomplishment in itself.
They say, “Yes! I do things that may not be socially acceptable! I go to book clubs, I read more and don’t spend late nights partying.”
Those words scream to all of the nights spent novelling in November, article writing all year round, essay writing every week, fictitious writing every hour possible.
Saying that you’re a writer is such a huge accomplishment that nothing else needs to be said.
Items
Version 2
5 Reviews
0 Comments
She was on the phone the minute she got back from the post office, explaining to Laura exactly what happened in excruciating detail. So excruciating, in fact, Laura had gotten a better perspective of the situation than Mira in the end. “So you're saying Steph from the post office let it slip that you talk about him every day?” Mira nodded, and then, remembering that Laura couldn't see her, replied with an eager assurance that the chatty postal worker had filled him in on Mira's ...
Version 1
19 Reviews
0 Comments
She was on the phone the minute she got back from the post office, explaining to Laura exactly what happened in excruciating detail. So excruciating, in fact, Laura had gotten a better perspective of the situation than Mira in the end. “So you're saying the post office worker let it slip that you talk about him every day?” Mira nodded, and then, remembering that Laura couldn't see her, replied with an eager assurance that the chatty postal worker had filled him in on Mira's norm...
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Reviews
First issue; would someone frown if they heard a crash? Or would they jump? I think maybe frowning is too mild. Second issue; "stopped with her mouth gapping" should be 'gaping' not 'gapping'. Interesting story. Other then those couple of mistakes, pretty well written. Looks like a scene from a novel.
Loved it! My favorite line was "Some people sit complacent on the sidelines". I saw some spelling mistakes near the end of the work. Namely, "It makes your heart finally whoe" and "SOmethign that completes your life" Whole, and something is what you meant? I think you need stronger word choice and you should mix in some creative metaphors to add texture to your poem.
The ending was great! Beautiful piece with just the right amount of backstory worked in. I was a little confused about who the narrator was at first until halfway through, but I really liked the ending. The coughing was a nice touch to the mother's character, and gave her a certain gruff, elderly personality. This could very much be expanded.
0.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Great poem! The "this is not the end of things." line really left the reader thinking. Very Stephen King-esque. This reminds me of one of his short stories. This reads more like part of a novel instead of a poem, maybe you could expand it into such?
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