It was the fourth of July, and Cynthia sighed as she walked up the sidewalk. Nothing could make this a good day. She was expected to run the family grocery store, the same thing she had done every weekend and afternoon since she turned fifteen. Holidays were nothing more than a footnote on the calendar. The walk from the apartment to the store was a short one, but her feet felt like bricks by the time she reached the metal gate that protected the windows overnight. All around her, the street...
It burns in me, like an everlasting fire. I release control of my mind, And become a creator. Words fly from my pen, They scar the paper, With thoughts, That made me mutter in my slumber. The fire becomes an ember, I awake to find, Piles of notions, I have no memory of writing.
I'll start with no, Progress through why, And end with lonely, That golden serpent forever consuming its tail, Threatens me, My spirit, My independence, Take away your ring and with it your hand, My own two will suffice.
I am a student, A student I am, With papers to write, Information to cram, The top of my desk, Resembles a book traffic jam, I am a teacher, A teacher I am.
A very good story. I only have one piece of advice. Your story is very choppy, and needs some flow improvement. Play around with your sentence structure and try reading it aloud and listening to others read it aloud. Improving the flow will be the icing on the cake of a lovely story.
A very sad story. I had trouble determining the gender of the speaker. This may have been your intention, but it made it difficult for me to accept the relationship as 'real'. The ring and proposal at the end of the story make the speaker seem male, but all his/her actions leading up to that point felt more feminine to me.
What an interesting story. Sarah's character morphs from sad to desperate to predator effortlessly. The collection of cologne bottles is a master touch. I'm sure it was your intention, but I was left wanting more. What is her motivation for these crimes? Does she only kill 'bad guys'? Excellent story.
This is an interesting piece, but it seems to ramble on a bit. I found myself wishing for specific plot points as I read; beginning, middle, end. You have a great way with words. I particulary enjoyed the line "It was like a Tardis in reverse." With that simple line you've given every "Dr.Who" fan a clear image of the apartment. Overall, I think this is falling between a novel and a short story. Too much for the short,not quite enough for the novel.