Reo's profile
AGE:
27
LAST LOGIN: April 04
LAST LOGIN: April 04
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Version 1
11 Reviews
7 Comments
You haunt my dreams Tasting of honeysuckle and sunlight Melting icicles in my heart That should not pour rivers forth in your name. Yet the words flow like water across this page- belonging to you, but of myself. This ache ebbs and flows Its riptides pulling gashes in their wake You're still dangerous. Thoughts of you still with me the way memories of war haunt their survivors... Fading in the daylight; ghosting across my vision at every turn. I ignore them until night claims me; When every i...
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This is one of the most amazing poems I have read in a long time. You made me feel so much with so few words and that in and of itself is noteworthy. This poem shows a great deal of insight. My favorite line: 'The darkness of my past blurred my present and my future became unattainable'. I cannot tell you how many times I've felt that same way. Yet never have I been able to articulate it as well as you just did. This is the best poem I've read on Urbis so far.
First of all, the grammar needs to be checked for subject / verb agreement. Second of all, check your spelling. It isn't horrible (but it still needs to be addressed if you want to go anywhere with this story.) Don't forget the importance of proper punctuation - things like these can keep a story from getting off the ground, and can make you look alot less talented than you are. You also need to move the plot along a little faster, and introduce a conflict. You might want to develop your char...
The meaning behind the piece was unclear at first. I had to read it twice to understand it but somehow I don't think you meant it to be too easy to understand. Neither can I be critical for this reason, because this piece has a unique message that I don't think would be served by 'dumbing it down'. The complexity and wordplay add to the texture and depth of the poem. It made me think. I just have one suggestion regarding the following lines: 'Dropping my torch, he holds up a genie’s lamp Illu...
I was immediately pulled in by your piece. You are extremely talented. I want to preface any suggestions for improvement by saying that they are mostly grammatical by nature and that the style and voice of the piece itself is what drew me in. In the first paragraph: "energy, money, and effort" remove the comma after 'money' "but the fact we had different dads." change to 'the fact that we have...' (because that fact hasn't changed since you were little) I wanted to say that the addition of th...
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