This is writing that comes from deep inside the dark place that most of us keep hidden. It is raw, it is real, and I can relate to almost everything you have written. When the silence is deafening and the noise unable to be heard, understanding makes no sense and yet we play our part even though we have forgot what we auditioned for so long ago we carry on. Why? I wish I could answer, instead all I can say is I have felt this way many times and you have managed to capture this feeling of "que...

Hello my old friend - Why you have amuse/entertain as a category is beyond me. But lyrically - lyrically I love it. Your writing is brilliant as always. Imagery he asks. The kind that speaks to me and moves me in ways that only this type of writing can. The dead, the ashes, the Catholic overtures, St. Pete - thank goodness he knew enough to kick you down to hell - goodness knows I'd be lonely without you - it all works wonderfully. And with my imagination, it plays like a beautiful vivid scen...

A perfect piece of work. I think I am in shock! ;) Now if you only submitted the rest of your pieces this polished. I love it. These lines are beautiful: The whispered prayers, magic spells, that in your heart chimed silver bells, but my favorite - Deader still, but permanent; Deader still - how much that brings across to this piece. Dark regards, Ravenn

Your query letter sounds very good. You drew me in - and I want to read more about the novel. I happen to be the Director of Public relations for a publishing company. If you are interested in contacting us with a submission, please email me at spooky-gal@hotmail.com Our website is: www.triadpublishinggroup.com myspace: www.myspace.com\triadpublishinggroup.com Ravenn

I found your story to be very positive. I wanted to know more. I feel you have a very interesting story to tell and that people could learn a lot from your experience. Have you considered writing and expanding upon your idea in more depth? What about more information on the disease? One suggestion I do recommend is to use a spell/grammar check as there are about six misspellings. I hope to read more of your work.

Your short story idea is very good and the ending took me by surprise and I always like when a writer can do that. A few suggestions. Before submitting work to be reviewed, I would run a spelling and grammar check. Try and present the best work possible. Also, you need to learn a bit more about structure when doing dialogue and formatting. The "smart quotes" tend to not load correctly and end up appearing backwards so that is another item to look for. You say in your notes that this is not fi...

The story idea seems interesting and could have a lot of potential but you need to work on quite a few items. I suggest using a spelling and grammar check. There are a lot of errors. There is also a concept called "show it don't say it". For example, in this line: "Evan is so full with adrenaline and is actually enjoying this high speed chase." You are telling us instead of showing us. How would you show a character is full of adrenaline? Fast beating heart or breathless springs to mind. Now ...

I'm not sure if you fit into young adult - I thought that category was 17 and under. I know you stated a lot of words were intentionally spelled wrong to convey their way of speaking - but you need to readdress the other misspellings. For example you have a lot of its that should be it's. You need to cap the first word of every line of speaking text. A few examples of changes -Do you think he sells them to 'You’ve Been Framed' or something?” -don't cap the word fu** I like the story and I fin...

I have written some very short poems as well. I don't view it as the length of the poem, rather the quality of the words and what they convey. I like your poem and I think it stands very well as is. The only thing I would suggest is to add punctuation to help convey the flow. Nice job.

This is beautiful and you have a talent for the musical lilt of wording poetry that I love. My favorite lines (which I found brilliant - especially the first): Pour me a cup of caffeine induced laughter Flow on my dear I would try and eliminate some of the extra words that aren't really needed - such as - the, a, to, it, etc. Your line breaks are a bit unusual, are they intentional? Sometimes we want our words in a specific style on purpose. Here is an example of eliminating extra words: Try ...