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RavenJake's profile 
AGE:
29
LOC: Anchorage, AK
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 20
LOC: Anchorage, AK
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 20
Feel free to request a review if you would like semi-useful feedback or would otherwise like to hear me run my pompous mouth. I haven’t ‘favorited’ work as there is a lot of material on the site and I will inadvertently offend (I’m only into purposely offending).
I’m currently writing a novel entitled Nikki the Wraith.
If you have the need to troll around in the dark, my site is ravenjake.com
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Version 2
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Firefly I bundled up in my new bed. Warm city lights radiated through the window like Saturday morning sun. I pulled the blanket over my face wanting to permanently cocoon under the covers- there would be no one to disappoint. No shame or fear. Existence and I would be safe from one another. I pushed the blanket away. It was a pathetic, defensive fantasy. Even if given several millennia, I could never fix what I had done. Seventee...
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Version 3
5 Reviews
3 Comments
The Girl on the Bus When I was eleven, a chain of events started that would shape the course of my life. It was late into fall and winter was so close that you could smell it over burning leaves and feel it on faint streams of wind. On the way home from school I stared out the window at swaying overgrown fields. My lungs burned almost pleasantly from the recent drops in temperature. A paper ball hit me in the back of the head. I brushed it away like I had...
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Version 2
3 Reviews
1 Comment
(Do not complain about confusion if you haven't read previous chapters. It's highly advisable to go back and read those as this section deals with intricacies of the previous secions). Firefly II I wondered how long I would be trapped in Firefly's room. Eli would have to know something was up in the morning. The morning? Without the sun or an AM/PM I was quickly losing my sense of time. After the equivalent of a day he would have to come check on ...
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Version 4
7 Reviews
2 Comments
Nikki the wraith - Deeper The adrenaline siphoned from my body, draining the strength from my legs. I stumbled several steps. Did those things really happen? For a while there was a persistent silence like trying to hear a star on a crisp night....
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Version 3
6 Reviews
1 Comment
Nikki The Wraith - Into The City My face rested against the street, which sent a penetrating chill through me. I couldn't manage to shiver or cringe. I felt like a lizard, glued flat to a shadowy underbelly of a rock. A narrow stream of blood ebbed forward. I felt it dripping from my mouth. Was this what people meant by shock? My eyes wouldn't move, transfixed down the street to my left. I blinked te...
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I like the atmosphere of this story. It has a similar setting to that of other stories, but it does manage to find its own personality. The opening needs adjustment, when you reach the dialog the story flows better from that point on. Succinct, precise descriptions will help the flow of the initial action scene. You did manage to get and keep my interest and I'd like to see where the story is going. Here are some critical notes I took: (fast as her legs could take her away from the men pursui...
The atmosphere is pretty good here. Most people can relate to a similar situation, so the scene is drawn effectively. There were some perspective insertions, and a few questionable passages. As a short story there isn't really any sort of story arc, but it works well as a character study. Here are some critical notes: (Man, you meet some characters.) (O, let the clichés rain down!) These two lines should be cut from the first paragraph, they remove the reader and add an ambivalent voice that ...
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