Protagoras's profile
AGE:
30
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 10
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 10
I like to punch the reader in the face at the end of sentences – with dashes.
My favourite word is ‘objects’ (first syllable stressed, not the verb). Recently, however, ‘qua’ tempted me.
But then I saw it used as the first word of a sentence. This I found so tantalising, qua verbal anomaly, that its value qua non-initial word of a sentence, qua sentences including the word ‘qua’, significantly diminished in that, qua non-initial word of a sentence, ‘qua’ – I repeat, ‘qua’ qua the non-initial word of a sentence – became less attractive qua word potentially supplantive of ‘objects’ qua potential favourite word, for, when compared to the word ‘objects’, ‘qua’, qua mid-sentential ‘qua’, in fact, I decided, had less aggregate value qua va…
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Version 1
7 Reviews
13 Comments
well wordily whisked less sense ten ces sen transposed understood by few
Version 1
10 Reviews
16 Comments
"Metaphor transmutes; tautology looks in the mirror."
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Owing to the machine-gun fire of adjectives in the first half a second of your piece, i would at least consider injecting a comma, subtracting a word or two, or changing word sequence to enable a more natural flow. personally, i'd write: - The dull red glimmer from the overhead bulb made very little impact on the black-painted walls. i inserted 'very' because otherwise the rearrange has poor flow in that regin. i deleted one word 'red' since saying it twice seems unnecessary, and words like '...
Nice title. I'd abbreviate to 'you're' not 'you are'. L2 I'd consider simply 'Or noisy', then inject semicolon before 'I can't tell'. The reason for the abovew abbreviations is that the added formality of untruncated word groupings appears awkward unless you are getting any rhythmical/ syllabic benefit from such longitude. I do like the conveying of awkwardness in L1 and L2. I like the remainder of the poem in that some sort of potential conflict is hinted at before that, but it then seems to...
i think 'deceased ancestry' might have been a more amusing final line. this aside, it's a peculiar image. i'm not really that sure what you're going from with this one. i guess the image is neither that exciting, and nor is there that 'magical transition' that makes a select portion of haikus so successful. i think picking a characteristic other than 'brown-eyed' that ties in with the final line or second line might work better. bottom line is, it's not really a haiku for me, other than that ...
Romance
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Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Se...
I saw a hemmosexual woman recently - she had scissored all but one vertical portion of her dress away, polo-mint-style. Personally I would - with immense maturity of thought, with supremely inimitable wit - transpose the sentence, to read: Imagine man and woman, in a room, perhaps in bed, perhaps not, then imagine them doing sex, coming towards each other with amorous sensations in their loins. Simply outstanding. 10/10 PS: I like this invention of 'Imagine...' - gonna try one myself.
You can spell miniscule both ways (see dictionary.com) Right this way, dear < ‘right, this way, dear’ OR ‘right, this way dear’ (unless it is to the right, as in ‘not left’, but i think you mean as in ‘OK then, this way’ Try to ‘tell’ less in the intro. ‘old’ might be ‘grey haired, hobbling’ for example (plus, you already do a good job with ‘skeletal hand’ so it’s a shame to rob your own description with the preceding ‘telling’ Gesturing into < gesturing towards (otherwise sounds like h...
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