Nice personification of the crows and wolves. The majority of the poem flows very well, but the bit that seemed 'a bit out of sync' was: "Drunk on the red wine, Eating the organ meats," I can't identify the exact cause, but it interrupts the flow without an obvious cause. I imagine with a bit of work this could become a pretty spectacular poem.

It is not very clear what you are writing about, although I understand it is sci-fi. However, it is consistent in it's grammar. It is the very bare bones of a plot though. I think it would improve greatly if you put much more description in.

Amazing! It's got everything - tempo, rhythm, tone. The one point where it loses the flow slightly is 'Another face Without a name' I don't know if there's an alternative word you could use edit this?

The theme seems a little clouded to me, I assume it is about the end of a relationship? I noticed you mainly kept to a continuous 4-line stanza structure, which does work except where you occaisionally slip out of this, for example with your 5th stanza: 'I was victorious in the war I didn't even fight! I wanted to keep you, but now I'm alone with myself, I love myself, I love my life.' I unfortunately couldn't find a rhythm to bind the piece together - although not strictly necessary, it beco...

Short, punchy, to-the-point - I like it. I like the clever way the rhyming couplets are laid out (ABC, ABC). I find this keeps the intention behind them, while reducing the percieved 'simplicity' in the writing. It may be possible to add a rhythm to this, which may improve it (it may not of course - like this, it gives the impression of not caring about anything else). It may be worth expeimenting with it.

Challenging the reader, nice - I would be lost without the privacy of my mind! The rhyme is almost perfectly unforced (the one exception being the line 'with it I'll go insane' - I can see it has the same number of syllables as the rhyming line before, but I think it would flow better if it read 'with it I will go insane') There is a strong rhythm in this poem, which binds it all together.

I can see your clear (and let's face it, effective) rhyme scheme, but there are a couple of points which seem a bit forced, such as: "Dream drearily Smile queerly" I don't know if there is an alternative word for one of these, but replacing it may help the poem. I'm not a poet (I try to be, but I'm not) nor am I a publisher, so take this advice how you will. I don't think the aesthetics of certain words ("broken in pi e ces your old mind asunder" and "whispers") portrays you in a particularly...

It's a nice concept, I'm just not sure it works so well in practice as it does in theory. There are very few things I can see that need altering grammatically. The first is: ' look skyward and silently mouth thankyou'. I assume that as 'thank you' is spoken (well, mouthed) it would need some form of punctuation to distunguish it as spoken language. There is also a tendency with modern language to make 'thank you' one word - I notice it is here, I don't know if that's intentional or not. Also,...

A very powerful, if slightly unsettling, image created there! I can see a few places where you need to work on grammar - mainly at the end/beginning of lines. An example is with 'slithers through the gore-stained hair[,] the semen-crusted pubes through...' I really like the fact that you have related it back to the title, yet it gives such a contrast to the presumed content (I thought I would be reviewing an ode to a breakfast cereal or something). However, I think that possibly you may have ...

Prominent structure, nice. It really gives a reason to stop and read it. The rhyme seems a bit forced though - possibly this is due to the lack of recurrent meter/syllabic rhythm. 16, 12, 12, 12 'beats' per line loosens the sense of cohesion between the lines. Also notable is the lack of punctuation in your poem - the lines lose their meaning if read as one continuous sentence. Could I suggest: "Effortless we are in our individual magnificence, Awaiting judgement of earned insignificance. Tra...