Potatopirate's profile

Prominent structure, nice. It really gives a reason to stop and read it. The rhyme seems a bit forced though - possibly this is due to the lack of recurrent meter/syllabic rhythm. 16, 12, 12, 12 'beats' per line loosens the sense of cohesion between the lines. Also notable is the lack of punctuation in your poem - the lines lose their meaning if read as one continuous sentence. Could I suggest: "Effortless we are in our individual magnificence, Awaiting judgement of earned insignificance. Tra...

A very powerful, if slightly unsettling, image created there! I can see a few places where you need to work on grammar - mainly at the end/beginning of lines. An example is with 'slithers through the gore-stained hair[,] the semen-crusted pubes through...' I really like the fact that you have related it back to the title, yet it gives such a contrast to the presumed content (I thought I would be reviewing an ode to a breakfast cereal or something). However, I think that possibly you may have ...

It's a nice concept, I'm just not sure it works so well in practice as it does in theory. There are very few things I can see that need altering grammatically. The first is: ' look skyward and silently mouth thankyou'. I assume that as 'thank you' is spoken (well, mouthed) it would need some form of punctuation to distunguish it as spoken language. There is also a tendency with modern language to make 'thank you' one word - I notice it is here, I don't know if that's intentional or not. Also,...

I can see your clear (and let's face it, effective) rhyme scheme, but there are a couple of points which seem a bit forced, such as: "Dream drearily Smile queerly" I don't know if there is an alternative word for one of these, but replacing it may help the poem. I'm not a poet (I try to be, but I'm not) nor am I a publisher, so take this advice how you will. I don't think the aesthetics of certain words ("broken in pi e ces your old mind asunder" and "whispers") portrays you in a particularly...