Picklez has no favorites yet.
The item you were looking for was deleted.
Picklez's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Australia
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 14
LOC: Australia
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 14
Hey my name is Dane and i’m a 17 year old from Western Australia, namely the great big massive hole in the ground Kalgoorlie (Its a mining town)and the city Perth. I don’t get a lot of time to write because i’m studying science at uni (and have INCREDIBLY bad time management skills). But when i do get a chance i’ll take it. ummm my favourite authors have gotta be Terry Goodkind, John Marsden, Tim Winton and Douglas Adams. i’m half deaf… and thats probably about it about me apart from one day i’d like to get a book published (wouldn’t we all!)
Items
Version 3
45 Reviews
2 Comments
ONLY HOPE …and the journal of Eden Scoober PROLOGUE The rising sun filters through the swaying blinds of a dark room, illuminating part of the floor which is covered in paper, a hand hanging out of what seems to be a bed and a broken digital alarm clock flashing red in the dark. Nearby the clock, which appears to have fallen off the bedside table during the night, is an open green notebook. The page it is open to reads… The Journal of Eden Scoober March 9th I keep having this same dream. I o...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Ripples change thier size Changes break the stream Boulders build to mountains Hopes grow into dreams The music of the blade Travels through their veins Through those who will fight Through those whose fire never wanes But for those whose faith and trials are great And whose sword and shield can withstand whose hearts feel of little worth and thoughts seem like broken hands For the Warrior Within Who fails and makes mistakes Whose face is not beautiful And doubts in what he makes But when tri...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
ONLY HOPE …and the journal of Eden Scoober PROLOGUE The rising sun filters through the swaying blinds of a dark room, illuminating part of the floor which is covered in paper, a hand hanging out of what seems to be a bed and a broken digital alarm clock flashing red in the dark. Nearby the clock, which appears to have fallen off the bedside table during the night, is an open green notebook. The page it is open to reads… The Journal of Eden Scoober March 9th I keep having this same dream. I op...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
ONLY HOPE …and the journal of Eden Scoober PROLOGUE The rising sun filters through the swaying blinds of a dark room, illuminating part of the floor which is covered in paper, a hand hanging out of what seems to be a bed and a broken digital alarm clock flashing red in the dark. Nearby the clock, which appears to have fallen off the bedside table during the night, is an open green notebook. The page it is open to reads… The Journal of Eden Scoober March 9th I keep having this same dream. I op...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
One of the features i think urbis should definately improve upon is the formatiing and text options, its v important to be able to present these things properly to the reader as words still have a visual nature. I think you did well however. "Passed the safe room was the latrine." Past the safe room? Seems an unusual mistake to make as you tend to have a brilliant grasp of language in this piece. Your descriptions are good hoewever the sentences are short and this makes it a tad choppy. Blend...
That was very explicit as you said in the notes but quite well written. I didn't pick up any technical or typographical errors and it was written well from the point of view the only thing that you could consider changing would possibly be the content dependant on your intended audience (which is obviously adults). If you wanted it to be more wideread then the scene would obviously need toning down but it certainly evokes the response your going for from the reader effectively. I had no probl...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
