Phantom's profile

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AGE: 18
LOC: Danville, IN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 08

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Sci Fi & Fantasy / No Title Yet: Prologue - Escape
Version 4
3 Reviews   0 Comments
Thunder rumbled ominously in the distance, heralding the coming rain. A cool breeze blew through the night into the grand palace grounds, rustling the leaves on the trees and bushes lining the courtyard pathway that led to the main gates of the palace. A fleeting figure hesitated in a window overlooking the courtyard before setting off again at a determined pace. It was essential that she escaped. She was the only person who could tell the world of the coming doom that was about to befall the...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Phantom Regiment: Prologue
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
     The stories claimed the Avariels had always been there. They watched over the world and its denizens, keeping the light and dark in balance. It was their sacred duty, given to them when the world was born.      A duty that required certain sacrifices to be made.      Aermiel sighed as he walked away from the great mirror pool. The last sacrifice that had been made was one of the greatest. One of their own had been sent to the m...
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Version 2
3 Reviews   0 Comments
Trey idly kicked at the road under his feet. The capitol of Armalia, Asandra, was a bustling, beautiful city in the heart of the kingdom, especially in the early morning. It was there that the King and his court lived in splendor, away from the trials of the rest of the world. The King was practically never seen except on feast days, and even then he was only out for moments before hiding away again. All the wealthy and prominent lived in Asandra, leaving the once great port city of Paragonia...
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Version 1
3 Reviews   2 Comments
“Look what we found men, a rebel!” a burly soldier laughed. The soldiers all around him laughed as well at the fellow they had just captured. He was tall and handsome with dark hair and sharp grey eyes. It was a nice mid-afternoon in a forest of the Kingdom of Armalia. It was a perfect day for riding, fishing, working out in the fields, or in Vayle Audon’s case, getting captured. Vayle glared at all the men standing around him. He wished he hadn’t lost his sword when they grabbed him, but it ...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / No Title Yet: Prologue - Escape
Version 3
3 Reviews   2 Comments
Thunder rumbled ominously in the distance, hinting at the coming rain. A cool breeze blew through the night into the grand palace grounds, rustling the leaves on the trees and bushes lining the courtyard pathway that led to the main gates of the palace. A fleeting figure hesitated in a window overlooking the courtyard before setting off again at a determined pace. It was essential that she escaped. She was the only person who could tell the world of the coming doom that was about to befall th...
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Reviews
Sci Fi & Fantasy / The Silk Bullet
This was pretty good, but there are a few things I'd like to point out. first off, it felt like there was a style change around the seventh or eighth paragraph. It may not have really been a change per say, but it did stick out at me for some reason. It almost felt as if you went from past tense to present... One other thing is that part of the way through, you mention a 'Tom.' Now, I assume that Tom is Charnock, but it is never really confirmed. I suggest towards the beginning when Charnock ...
I like this! Little do they know that they're supposed to have those powers. This is well written, only onw part seemed sort of akward to me, the part where Helen leaves. It just seems kind of flat. I think it may just be Helen's dialogue right there. Other than that, great story!
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Nobler in the Mind
Hm... This is a very interesting piece, but I enjoyed it! I liked Sam quite a bit, he's just a normal guy trying to survive in the world and do the best he can, a good base for a protagonist in this type of story. The whole mystery behind the stone is very intriging. Over all, this is a great story!
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Pagurus
I simply adore the very beginning paragraph, I can already tell you have a laid back, easy to read style. I absolutely loved this! It was brilliant! The charaters are well developed and very likable and your style is simply fantastic! Keep writing!
That was great! You created wonderful visuals that made for a very bleak, sad end of the world... Very nice job!
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Pagurus

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