Peterfinlay's profile
AGE:
52
LOC: New Zealand
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: January 07
LOC: New Zealand
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: January 07
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Version 1
3 Reviews
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THE BOY SCOUTS I am happy because I am going to my favorite place in the world, The Ureweras. I am going with the harriers. I am good at running, so I will enjoy that too. The weather is cloudy and in the Ureweras it is raining. We unpack our clothes and move into the prefab building that is the Lions Club Hut. A rectangle, incongruous amongst the stand of native bush that surrounds it, is just another classroom, out of school. It has a girls dormitory at one end and a male dor...
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Version 1
3 Reviews
2 Comments
Her White Flesh Her white flesh, studded with tiny hairs up to the planes of her arse – plains of her arse. The interesting little hairs around her anus – or did she have any? I never looked, they never looked, she never looked. That blond bitch goddess I used to see so often. Now I am an old, wretched man. Before, I was a young wretch. This proves this: this is not pornography. Grab your pathetic erotic stick and dream of Madonna, En Vogue, videos 39.95, too much for me, sir. What about the ...
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I think this work is of a publishable standard. 'peasant' on page two should be 'pheasant', 'not' on the last page should be 'now'. Apart from that, everything is ok. There was plenty of good, solid reality in this fantasy piece, which always helps to carry the story along. Nice attention to detail in the pastoral scene, the scene of menace was not overdone.
Many people are jealous of their essays, I was curious that you were open to publishing yours on the net. Now I see why: your writing is lucid and seems heartfelt. If I was doubtful that it would be published in a literary magazine it is only because it doesn't seem as complicated and incomprehensible as I have found those articles to be. I would like to see you attempt a longer work, would it be as perceptive as this?
I was surprised to find so much 'fantasy' in this 'realistic' story. As you grow older and have more experience of life I fancy your stories will become even more real. Now I notice the elements that are there, the breakfast for instance was one of the more interesting parts of the work. I wondered at first if you really had felt another persons pain at some point and this was the genesis of the story. Interesting.
This is mature, confident writing. You have a great sense of pace, the bits in between the exciting bits are written so that the reader stays interested. Obviously the war in Iraq is topical and will be written about more and more as the years go by. If you can keep the writing up to this standard the finished book will be a good read.
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