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Peter's profile
AGE:
36
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 18
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 18
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Version 1
33 Reviews
16 Comments
Looking into a corner at 90* of nothing, unable to turn, I imagine significance. I look and wonder as fences of barbed wire disguised as dew drops, speak to me after I lick them, telling me nothing, in it's silence you feel the quake of yourself, then conscious of a taste of blood on your tounge. They notice the blood drip from your chin, full of envy, becuase you are hateful for them. Your eyes misspeak, but you don't right it. You feel a large drop of blood hit your chest, watch it roll dow...
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Reviews
This is not very good. I would say you need to get a why in there. Just saying, what you said, not very informative writing.
Very nice work, like the layering, feels like a camera moving, only with words. Very fluid, and visual. Last line is the worst which should be the better. Bury a bad line in the middle, not at the end. Not loving "squalid" as a word.
not too strong, a little too, obvious. "friendly enemy", combined with the overstatement of your "eternal" state of singledom, feels contrived. Try a little more truth.
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