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Persephonewaits's profile
AGE:
26
LOC: Eau Claire, WI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 09
LOC: Eau Claire, WI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 09
Hi!
The first thing you shoould probably know about me is that I’m the type of person who is shocked that someone is taking the time to read this and find out more about me. Thank you!
I’m 22 years old, and I’m from Wisconsin in the United States. I’ve lived here all my life, and have only ever been out of the country once…to Canada. I plan on traveling more once I’m out of college.
Writing is a release for me. It’s more than a hobby; it’s a therapy. Thank you for being not unlike pre-meds observing a brain surgery.
Items
Version 2
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Once, long ago, in a place farther than remembering can place, there was a father who loved his daughters very much. He was a King, who ruled a kingdom that stretched from the Obsidian Mountains in the north to the Sea of Rhapsody in the south. When he was young, younger than he could in his later years sometimes recall, he married the youngest princess of the Farians, a small, strange kingdom to the West. From the very moment her ship had sailed into the harbor they had enjoyed contentment a...
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Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Once, long ago, in a place farther than remembering can place, there was a father who loved his daughters very much. He was a King, who ruled a kingdom that stretched from the Obsidian Mountains in the north to the Sea of Rhapsody in the south. When he was young, younger than he could in his later years sometimes recall, he married the youngest princess of the Farians, a small, strange kingdom to the West. From the very moment her ship had sailed into the harbor they had enjoyed contentment a...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
17 Reviews
0 Comments
Your childhood house pet, they said he went to a farm. Your dog killed himself.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
18 Reviews
0 Comments
Friendship is an art: You burned down its museum and stole the paintings.
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Version 1
22 Reviews
0 Comments
Marionette with the pretty painted face, demure smile, come and stay awhile. Lay beside and don’t abide his wayward glance. Pretty blues, the delicate hues that never close, never risk the chance, glancing askance, to pluck from the plethora of expression, the dishonest glint from your lover. No other, for her, the pretty, painted Marionette, resting next to her passing courtier. No one prettier, Little Marionette, he whispers his lies. Red flecked, barely parted; hush your nothing voice, ma ...
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Reviews
I love how through your description you really place the reader into the scene. You're very vivid in your telling. I think the story falls short in the ending, there doesn't seem to be a very solid conclusion, but what you do tell is fascinating and well told.
The only thing I could suggest as far as mechanics is to go through and make sure everything looks neat. Some lines are mashed together or cut off and etc. As far as the story goes, I think that maybe you could shorten up the phone conversation, because it seems to drag a bit in my opinion. But you do have a beautiful way of writing; it's almost like poetry. I really enjoyed it!
This was a really well told story. I got into quickly, too, which is always nice. A couple of things I noticed: "Well I stepped into a meeting" needs a comma after "well". "However, I what I think and what" is just a slip of the fingers, I think. "“I’m sorry Sister”." needs a comma after "sorry". This is something that's constant throughout the whole piece. Otherwise, everything looked mechanically strong, too. Once again, excellent story!
This story was good. You need to watch your use of commas and periods, because you interchange them quite a few times. Also, at times the dialogue feels a bit too formal and stiff. But otherwise, this was a very interesting read.
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