ParticoRomulus's profile Prolific-icon-large

ParticoRomulus avatar
AGE: 41
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 20

My name is Pat.  

I’m a father, middle school history teacher, and an amateur musician.  I’ve written poetry since I was a teenager, but lately have been possessed to push it as far as it can go.

I try to be honest and try not to hurt people, but it’s hard. Some folks, well… hmm.  I will accept and consider thoughtful, honest and insightful criticism gracefully, even when I don’t agree with it.  I guess I expect the same.  Less than that is just that, in many ways.

www.myspace.com/particoromulus
or
ask me for my facebook url.

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Poetry / Kept, like Odysseus
Version 11
2 Reviews   0 Comments
Daydreaming in a meeting I hear you tell your age. I feel old, until you smile. I remember, after reading Homer I lay lonely in my dormitory with Calypso kissing and touching me. Her divinity pulsed but felt imperfect and I knew she was using me as a mortal takes in air to breathe. I stopped her hand and drew my sword but her startled eyes disarmed me. I sheathed my bronze, sighing. On that cliff above the waves we rolled, sublime, to thunder and she forgot that man from Ithaca. Now at t...
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Quotes / Self is a Snake
Version 2
4 Reviews   1 Comment
Self is a snake, blind and lazy before shedding.
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Poetry / Kept, like Odysseus
Version 10
10 Reviews   12 Comments
Daydreaming in a meeting I hear you tell your age. I feel old, until you smile. I remember, after reading Homer I lay lonely in my dormitory and imagined Calypso, kissing and touching me. Her divinity pulsed but felt imperfect and I knew she was using me as a mortal takes in air to breathe. I stopped her hand and drew my sword but her startled eyes disarmed me. I sheathed my bronze, sighing. On that cliff above the waves we rolled, sublime, to thunder and she forgot that man from Ithaca...
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Poetry / Kept, like Odysseus
Version 9
5 Reviews   5 Comments
Daydreaming in a meeting I hear you tell your age. I feel old, until you smile. I remember, after reading Homer I lay lonely in my dormitory and imagined Calypso, kissing and touching me. Her divinity pulsed, but felt imperfect and I knew she was using me as a mortal takes in air to breathe. I stopped her hand and drew my sword but lost myself in her startled eyes. I sheathed my bronze, sighing. On that cliff above the waves we rolled over and she forgot that man from Ithaca. Now at th...
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Poetry / Gettysburg- Three Years Old at the Pennsylvania Monument
Version 2
3 Reviews   2 Comments
  Emerging from the spiral staircase a tall, handsome man smiles. He startles you in the open air and light.   You greet him, communicate cheerfully about Vermont, tentatively about going through that door how it might be dark and scary to climb. He reassures you in a deep Virginian’s drawl and tells vividly of the observation deck. But you decide finally, thoughtfully, against. You look at me and then grab his finger. He helps you step carefully down broad marble steps to...
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Reviews
Poetry / For My Love
by Suthern_Scribe
As a tool to achieve your ends, I can see how it might work. Good job. However, as poetry, it falls quite short. It really is more the stuff of song lyrics as it is constructed almost entirely of cliche phrases. Every line except the one about hickies is as such. The hickies line doesn't work either, not because it's too vulgar for poetry, but because the phrasing is too informal and the tone immature. If you want to take this any further, my suggestion is to pursue it as a rap or some other ...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Poetry / Skythief
by jwwynn
Your picking up a feather and 'liberating' the ant is a moment is ripe for poetic treatment. That you choose to explore it from the perspective of the ant is creative and a fruitful path to pursue I think. Overall I see this as a poem on its way to somewhere high. Like the ant, you must carry it further before God raises it to Heaven. The imagery is appropriate and unified (bugs, sky, light, feather, etc...) It's all organic. It coheres fairly well, though in some ways its a bit out of focus....
Poetry / Silly Language Tricks
by gkm32
Regarding your two goals, I rated you high for amusement as I think each is clever and humorous in its way. I can't rate it that highly as poetry, as there are several problems (the most prominent being that rhyme dictates meaning in several of your lines.) I could say more about those aspects, but I suspect your more interested in knowing if it amused so I don't want to waste your points.
Poetry / Empty Memories
by Beer_and_Poetry
Usually poetry involves the use of verbs whether it evokes a moment or tells a story. This approach, one image after another with absolutely no action save what the reader invents, lacks the power of movement. There is no color, and there is almost nothing in the way of touch, sounds, tastes or smells. There is nothing vivid and little that's evocative. The last point is true unfortunately because many of the images are cliche. Verbs, deeply descriptive language and original metaphors would i...
Quotes / To be good
by raiher
Leaving aside the philosophical debate, this is a fairly clear expression of your viewpoint. A few picky points... You use 'man' in sentence two when current convention calls for 'person'. You could tighten that up. "No person is born knowing..." In the next sentence "These things must be..." then connect it to the next sentence, which is actually a fragment. "... learned through trials, pain and suffering. "Held onto ever inch of the way" doesn't make much sense in this context. Who holds on...
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