PMDawn's profile

PMDawn avatar
AGE: 33
LOC: Charleston, SC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 26

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Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
He makes violent love to his Russian lover. He likes his women thick – half gallon thick. Their kisses are deep and long as he tongues her mouth and licks the juice from her rim. Unabashed, they screw in public, in the car on the way to work, in their living room when visitors are there, in a gas station bathroom stall while our father pisses in the other stall, in between presents on Christmas morning, in the moment of silence during our conversations, or in his waking hours: 3:00 P.M. Tuesd...
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Poetry / Bare
Version 1
1 Review   1 Comment
Shaving, I cut myself several times on the base. (This is the hair she detested the most.) The curly scraps disappeared down the drain, leaving no trace of what I waited so long for, when I was younger. I was a boy again. Like the young boy in the shower at camp with six A.M. seclusion tugging his bathing suit down quickly lathering his diminutive penis, when they ripped back the curtain and pelted him with water balloons yelling, “BAL-DY! BAL-DY!” The first sprout grew in the reflection of t...
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Poetry / Skate
Version 1
1 Review   2 Comments
One night last spring we walked out onto the dock to watch the phosphorescence play in the lapping tide on the riprap. Between two boards below our feet we glimpsed a faint green glow. We laid down flat on our bellies and peered over into the black brackish mirror. Buried under our reflection was a flock of underwater birds, glowing skate, florescence tracing their flapping wings. Dim silhouettes defined by the blank space of the dark river. There must have been twenty, haloed in muted green...
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Poetry / Crawfish
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
I was allowed to play in the stream below the cow pasture across the street from my house everyday after school in the spring until the street lights came on; but, I could see the light on the corner of the street from the crest of the hill above my stream; so, I’d run between the bank and the crest every so often to see whether I was in trouble yet; but, I’d always stay longer than I was supposed to and turn over the rocks in the water until the light was too dim to expose the tiny crawfish ...
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Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
the brown locks occasionally ruled with silver, sift down my draped black curtain to the lip and settle in to the blond tufts of the previous patron as the self- proclaimed motorcycle man jibes the black woman who buzzes his buzz cut while he playfully threatens to stiff her on the $9 cut -- the scissors snip so close to my ear, I feel the chink of the metal, glance at my reflection and at the bulky chest behind me and back to the floor, not wanting her to feel my eyes on hers the motorcycle ...
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Reviews
Young Adult / Black Abyss
It is difficult to proffer much on such a short submission. You got my attention and have built suspense, again, it is difficult to see if the pay off is satisfying because I do not know what that is yet. I find your word choice at time unique (pitter-patter ironically used to describe a villain), but at times it is also cliché (like a bloodhound). Grammatically, the only "mistake" I found was a possessive error (Cullen sake should be Cullen's). I suggest reconsidering some of your syntax. It...
This poem has a fantastic transition for me. My favorite parts are the still born characters and the spirit image line into spite image. I find your imagery captivating. Sorry for not having more suggestions.
Poetry / Tripletanz
Sorry for taking so long to read this. It seems as you have gotten much good feed back already. I think it is perfect. Your divisions, diction and rhythm are consistently true to your voice and sound. It is long, but not unnecessarily so. I especially like the vague aspect of the narrative. It is not so nailed down that it loses the mystical quality. Thanks.
Poetry / Sonnet #2
Your poems are consistently sound. "Bed sheets. . . exhaled" is a perfect personification, and the "resigned side hug," is an image that I have been trying to work into a poem for awhile. It reminds me of the awkward embrace between my father and myself every time we say goodbye. And the sonnet form is admirable as well.
I get a solid picture in the first three stanzas, but I am lost after that. I can sense certain ideas in an implied way, but I am not sure how it all works together. I enjoy you the fun and freedom it seems you are having with your words. I think the ambiguity is my favorite part. The teleprompter image is a strong one. But do they use cards? And is the speaker quoting Bobby Mcferrin? Is you capitalization/ punctuation intentional? For instance, the period before amid in stanza one or the clo...
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