I thought your poem was really good, it definitely conjured up some really strong imagery in my head of the two different warriors mentioned. However I think rather than leaving it as quickly as you have, that perhaps you could add in the fight between the Writer and the Prince of Darkness to give it some more excitement. I think this will also allow you to expand on your writer character more, which I feel you need to do. I also would suggest paragraphing the stanza's correctly and check to ...

This is a fantastic poem, and it could be published relatively quickly. The reason being because its something everyone can relate to. My last poem to be published was a love poem ("What Makes You So Great?") and I think the reason it got picked over other poems I'd submitted to the publisher was because it was something that wasn't aiming for a certain base of readers. With this poem, I feel you've really captured that "rabbit-in-the-headlights" fear that freezes you to the spot in these cru...

"The line between genius and insanity is a thin one" "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex...It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. " - Albert Einstein (Both Quotes) The first quote is to set a context when I say that, you my friend, have blurred the line. The second one is to set the context in which I will review this piece. After reading your poem I had to wash the blood out of my ear, for you had just raped my brain q...

This is a kickass poem. I think you may need to fiddle with the last stanza a bit to get it as good as the others. However regardless this is still a really great poem. Its got conjures very powerful imagery, especially in the first stanza, and the shorter second and third stanza work really well. I felt the fourth stanza stayed true but I'm not so sure on the ending. But whatever my crappy opinion is, do keep in mind that this is publishable, I'd start writing letters if you still wanna keep...

I thought this was a really fantastic poem with alot of potential to be published, however I feel it needs just a little more tweaking to bring it into perfection. The first stanza conjures beautiful imagery with a brilliant metaphor. The second brings in more emotive metaphors that make these adrenaline-filled moments come to life in the readers mind. So far you've written half of your poem about the raw sexual thrill of having an affair, and in this next half you turn to its darkest side. T...

Brutally honest but very heartfelt, brilliant quote though. But, I know this is going to sound like the most pedantic thing in the world, however, its spelt "ashamed", as one word, not two. But like I said, brilliant quote, speaks real honesty and is the kind of thing I'd use to convey mixed emotions of a man towards his wife or parents, did you make this one up yourself? 10/10

Okay, I like the idea and the basic storyline but theres a couple of things you could change. One is the paragraph structure of the piece, seperate it out and shorten some sentences to make it easier on the eye. Its hard to entirely focus on a description or plot development when you keep getting lost in long sentences, its like looking for wood among trees. The second is the language used, if this is a conversation or dialogue via letters or just a monologue you must think very carefully abo...

I think this has alot of potential to really flourish into a good action/thriller. You've got an interesting story-line and characters, but you move very quickly through alot of their dialogue and I think you might lose a certain sense of character and story-line interest through that. You are Telling the story, but your not showing it to your reader enough. Use the senses more, talk about the smell of the jet. Or the way one of the characters moves and link a story to it about a past wound, ...

Well, given what happened in Montreal the other day I felt this one struck home a little hard. But it was very well written and as a thriller writer I liked the description you used to create a sort of "Bullet-time" scene around the firing of a gun, while including the personal feelings involved. Very impressed. 9/10

A story which, although at times heartwrenching and emotionally complex, left me feeling very satisfied. To cover the lesser problems quickly, you have a few paragraphing errors, in one sentence you spelt "then" as "tehn" and I think theres a grammatical error in the first paragraph (Chill-Chilly?) but I'm not too sure on that last one. As for the critique on the story, its beautifully written, and perfect for a Lit. Mag or collection of short stories. I think that the dream sequence at the s...