OrExplode's profile

It's a good poem and pretty deep for being only thirteen. So nice job there. A change that you could make would be to specify things more often. For example, what would you describe as being your "best day ever"? What would that day consist of? Or if you "walked away", where would you being walking away from? Where would you be walking to? I am sure that by now you get the idea of what I am saying. By doing these things, you help ground the poem.

I like this poem for the first four lines, but the last two seem a little cliche. Try a different description for the oceans other than "deep and dark". I'd also try to find a different way to say "your love makes me the captain". But I really like "transforms black infinity/ To an expanse of promise". That's a really nice description.

It's a touching story. The rhymes feel forced at times, but not too often. I thought the descriptions, especially in the first part of the poem, were very good. You did a good job of getting into the head of the patient and showing what she was probably feeling. I'd like to see a little of what was going on in your own head, the struggle that you probably were going through in knowing that you probably should not get attached to a patient so much. That's a very interesting concept--that the p...

I like the meaning that you are able to fit into such a short form. I think you do a good job of using the tanka form. It conveys a sense of alienation that is becoming commonplace in our increasingly "wired" society.