Olive147's profile

Olive147 avatar
AGE: 14
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 11

Most of my stories or what have you tend to be thoughts that I particularly liked and developed into passages. I don’t know how normal this is, but i tend to think in story, “The man walked to the threshold, and paused before taking a bite of his cookie” you know, that kind of thing…anyways, that’s where everything mostly comes from, dramatized thoughts on every day life…

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Poetry / Cracks
Version 1
2 Reviews   3 Comments
There are tiny little cracks In my stomach In my lungs In my head And if I breathe too deep Or think too hard A flood of tears will start Seeping through those cracks And my carefully constructed dam Will be no more Just a pile of shattered glass Beside my bed And all that will be left of me Is the huge, salty wet spot On my pillow case  
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Short Story / The Glass House
Version 3
0 Reviews   0 Comments
The trees surrounding the glass house aren't trees. They are the twisted, spiraling spirits of trees, the hollow shells left over from the life long departed of them. They reach their probing, withered fingers longingly towards the sun. But, no matter how brightly the sun shines, or how thickly the rain falls, it doesn't reach them, and the old trees remain just that.   Old.   Not old in the majestic, wise, powerful way, but in a way that makes you feel the need to cringe and look a...
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Short Story / Trust and Trustability
Version 5
3 Reviews   1 Comment
Friday, and a nasal buzzing signifies the end of seventh period. I walk a little too fast through the swarming cement halls of seventh and eighth graders, being buffeted every which way, slowed down. The other students chatter loudly, another sort of nasal buzzing that I block out. Past the Assistant Principal who yells at somebody for their shorts being too short. I accidently brush into his shoulder and wonder whether he has tagged me as rude and disrespectful as he has most of the others b...
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Poetry / Windmills
Version 1
2 Reviews   1 Comment
An Army of Windmills In strict strait lines atop hills All moving in agitated, continuous motion Even in their perpetual stillness Forever marring the landscape With their metal skeletons, Ominous, spinning daggers.   But who am I to judge? Ane who am I to complain? A hypocrite...   Eight lanes of traffic People obliviously going about their lives. They don't see what they are doing, Because they don't look. I look, And I see. Eight lanes of traffic Carved relentlessly into the hill...
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Flash Fiction / The Mirror
Version 1
33 Reviews   18 Comments
I stand beside her, watching as she scrutinizes herself in the mirror. While I see only beauty and perfection, she frowns over flaw after flaw. Her slender, perfect brows pull into a line over the deep, round pools of cerulean in her porcelain face. Touching her soft, fair hair that waves gently to the middle of her back, the frown etches itself deeper into her face. She studies her smooth complexion and the light in her beautiful eyes fades and they darken almost unnoticeably, but still enou...
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Reviews
this is pretty good. Here are some suggestions though... The words Dark and Darkness are used so much in tis piece, that it gets a little repetitive. I'd mix it up with some synonyms. Also, I'd be careful about repeating ideas. For example, you say -It's always dark- and then a few lines later -It's always dark, always.- -I see this darkness everywhere, everywhere.- and then -I see it everywhere- So, again, maybe mix it up a little more, and show us more about you and your writing abilities.....
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Poetry / ...so I'm told
This is a truly wonderful piece. It is amazing how much more heavy and meaningful the last line is than the first. It really, truly makes an impression on you. It is such a poignant piece, but also matter of factly delivered which adds to the tragedy of the story. As terrible as the things that the father did are, and as much as they effected the daughter and she will never be the same for it, she won, and she's the better, stronger person. not only is the basis of the poem great, the actual ...
This is one of my favorite pieces that you have written, too. The imagery is absolutely phenominal, and it flows so smoothly and just perfectly. a few things: “Night!” Oh how cruel is thee to send this visage to me A prisoner of murky shadows” ---"Night!" typo? I, a fissure in the sidewalk--- great imagery! To her I do not exist--I think that this is such a normal thing for someone to think, that stating it so plainly doesn't really fit with the rest of the poem My life evaporating Like a sno...
Poetry / Edge of the Sea
This is great poetry. It flows so nicely and feels very intimate and personal. The setting and imagery is wonderful as well as the internal struggle that is described...great write! I know – I must – I can’t – I will myself – ----this is a great line. I couldn't find any spelling/grammar errors. Great job!
I think that this is a great beginning for a potentially wonderful story. The characters are interesting and easy to become attached to. I couldn't find any spelling/grammar errors...this is definitely worth continuing! Great work and good luck!
33.3333% Review Quality (3 Votes)
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ITEMS (7)

 

Poetry / crowded
Short Story / The Guitarist
Poetry / Sickness
Haiku/Senryu / Allusion

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