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OberonCalls's profile
AGE:
26
LAST LOGIN: April 04
LAST LOGIN: April 04
I’m a 23 year old who has always had a passion for writing. To keep myself alive enough to keep that passion going, I work as the technical director for a government-funded arts center in Virginia.
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Version 1
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I traveled a burnt, broken land Stamped down by armies’ feet Shadows hold my hand We dance to the spirit band As they play us all a treat I traveled a burnt, broken land Lay on the golden sand Listen to the beat Shadows hold my hand Dirt and dust clog my glands I drop to this desert heat I traveled a burnt, broken land Bloodied, battered, I can’t stand To my knees accept defeat Shadows hold my hand Freedom! my soul calls, demands I am covered with a sheet I traveled a burnt, broken land Where...
Version 1
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Standing alone in the dark and the cold, I shudder at the thunder booming above me. I stare mournfully at the burning red taillights of my girlfriend’s car. No, not girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. My head droops, my hands involuntarily clench into fists. I exhale and relax my hands deliberately as I move onto the sidewalk. Looking up to the sky, I choke back the fiery tears. The city’s glow highlights the dark clouds floating high overhead, waiting to release their wrath upon me. I drop my head ba...
Version 1
1 Review
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The park was slowly dying in the encroaching winter cold. I exhaled sharply and stepped into the shadows of the park. Approaching an ancient, weather-beaten bench with peeling green paint, I watched the morning’s commuters scurry past. Sitting at one end of the bench, a slender man in a large, brown overcoat scrutinized every detail around him. A small gold ring clutched his golden hair in a snug tail. “Far enough.” His voice was clean and crisp, carrying a forceful authority with it. I was f...
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Reviews
I think you've got a very strong start to something very promising here. The point-of-view is certainly a refreshing change from the norm (ie, Hannibal Lecter, Manson, and the like). Like some of the other reviewers, I think more details would help flesh the story out a little more, but I also think there's a fine line to that. Too much detail would drag your narrator's telling style and make the story less enjoyable. I look forward to seeing more of this. Keep on writing.
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