Nytefist7's profile
AGE:
42
LOC: Lexington, KY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 26
LOC: Lexington, KY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 26
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Items
Version 1
18 Reviews
9 Comments
We sat by the fountain at Ashland. Naomi’s eyes held pools of expectation. We’d been together a year and she was waiting for the ring. I pulled out the box, an unspoken “yes” on her lips. Her face fell, a bracelet of diamonds revealed. It was a ring after all, it just had a catch.
Version 1
7 Reviews
11 Comments
The cab ride home from Bluegrass Airport was uneventful. I dozed off and on, between glimpses of horse farms that rapidly dissolved into subdivisions, office buildings and restaurants. Everybody “oohs and aahs” over the horse farms, but they were disappearing faster than a pony keg at a frat party. Lexington was losing alot of its charm, and the traffic was a major culprit. It was times like this I was almost glad I couldn’t drive. One of the nifty little drawbacks to my magical abilities, i...
Version 1
30 Reviews
22 Comments
For Carson Bream, the quiet times were the hardest. Especially aboard a Galaxium jump ship in the middle of a deep run. Most military starships were a triumph of function over aesthetics, but the jump ship was ferocious in its utter devotion to the concept of utility. Even the cramped passenger cabin where he sat was a sparse affair. There was very little to catch one’s eye, almost nothing to spark the fires of a weary traveler’s imagination so that he might find a moment’s distraction from t...
Version 1
40 Reviews
14 Comments
I burst into the clearing, my lungs heaving, heart pounding, and I knew we were screwed. Our plan to capture the Wendigo had gone south. Way south. Way fast. Detour through hell. The twelve foot tall mass of white fur, teeth and claws loomed in the middle of a demolished campsite. A panic stricken woman and a small girl were huddled up against a tree so tight I thought they might melt into it. A German Shepherd was barking and snarling at the giant beast, darting in and out, as if it couldn'...
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Reviews
Dude, cut back on the criteria. I like alot of the individual concepts here, but I had a hard time finding a way to stay on track. I think you tie the themes and concepts together fairly well, like stepping stones. But the structure and style is all over the place, at least for me, and I admit I am no poet. If you can streamline the format to something a little more consistent, I think you will see a difference. I have no skill set for modern poetry, so perhaps the use of rhyme/non-ryme shor...
I like the mood and notion that you're going for here. I appreciate the sentiment. But, I do think it comes off as passive from a style and structure standpoint. I feel like you're trying to emulate what you feel will "sound" like chivalric prose, but it comes off distant and stuffy. You can also condense this into a smaller piece, as alot of the lines tend to echo, if not actually repeat, similar themes from one part to another. Look for more dynamic word choices as well, try to invigorate ...
I give you a ten for the theme. But the poetry itself...there are alot of overly familiar statements like "sea to shining sea" and "pay it forward", which I think you may be intending to saturate the piece with these for "mood", but it comes off as generic instead. Alot of the lines are simple rhymes like "fire of desire". I'm no poet, and I have no special skill set in reviewing it, but I would get rid of the simple rhymes and stale sayings. Find a new, more vigorous way to say "might makes ...
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