Nvr2Young2Write's profile
AGE:
13
LOC: Scranton, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 26
LOC: Scranton, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 26
I’m a young writer that is eager in every way to write my feelings down and turn them into a gripping and beautiful story that will be loved by many. I’ve wrote as soon as i knew how. I would write plays or poems or simply journal entries. My parents would always say that it was an outstanding accomplishment for someone my age but I knew they were simply saying that because I was their daughter. I came to use urbis when i understood that people would give honest constructive critism in response to peoples writing. I know that it must be unusual even in the smallest way to see a thirteen year old girl writing and putting it out there for the world to see, but do not look at my age. Look at my work. I hope that I give some of you pleasure …
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Version 1
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I’ll shut the demons our of my head They scream of knowing They speak of knowledge in its cruelest form Shut up and let me be Forgive me but I don’t want to see For every thought that escapes my strict mind Every longing suffering thought That should never be wasted on you Your body your mind send me to hell, I love you STOP! now. it has to stop Slam the stupid door Keep you out For every thought I’ll sit in an empty pool And sqeeze one tear out of my eye Dear lord save me I’m drowning.
Version 1
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The burning, beating sun The muscles in your legs scream Run, just run away Don’t think about what you left behind Or what waits for you “I’m just trying so hard,” she sobbed “SHUT UP!” “Daddy. Please stop, put the bottle down.” “Mommy why are you crying?” “Sissy why are you sleeping? Wake up, please wake up.” Day turns to night A sunset made of red and orange Fades away To darkness She can’t stop She can’t go back
Version 3
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Under my bed lives a colony of dust bunnies maybe several forgotten books. Under Susan's bed she's hid a mirror so she will never have to see her looks. Under Lola's bed she's hid herself so her mom won't see her bruises. Under Tony's bed there are empty beer cans and a packet of Carribean cruises. Under Mary's bed there are birth control pills that she doesn't want her father to see, And under our life there's secrets and lies that shows how unperfect we all can be.
Version 2
9 Reviews
8 Comments
Under the my bed lives a colony of dust bunnies maybe several forgotten books Under Susan's bed she's hid a mirror so she will never have to see her looks. Under Lola's bed she's hid herself so her mom won't see her bruises Under Tony's bed there's empty beer cans and a packet of Carribean cruises Under Mary's bed there's birth control pills that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see And under our life there's secrets and lies that shows how unperfect we all can be.
Version 2
11 Reviews
0 Comments
As a heterosexual I am labeled straight. As opposed to what, Bent? Twisted? Even straight lines point in both directions.
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Reviews
So so captivating, you leave me starving to know. To know what occurred. Who wept? Why did he leave, why did you come? There is a mystery in every word written and I absolutely relish a good mystery especially when written in such an elegant manner. I apologize that I can't offer much constructive criticism. The only advice I have to you is to continue to write!
Haha. This made me smile, truth and simplicity is spoken through this. Well done =)
This is an intriguing quote, nicely done. However the way you say it makes me think that you need aide. You are asking a person to lift you up and asking them to spread THEIR wings...if you meant in like that I have to say I love it with a truth. It makes me wonder why, who, and what happened. Excellent =)
Hahaha. I liked this! Not sure if it already is a quote but excellent none the less. Is it called Potter as in Harry Potter? That's actually one of the reasons I clicked on it being a long time fan of the books. Well done, this made me smile =)
Ok first please get rid of some of the critique it almost made me turn right around even though i wanted to tell you what i thought of your poem [which is quite good] it will discourage people, believe me. Maybe two of three, four at most. Your poem was a tad grim and doesn't have a happy ending from what I can see but I enjoyed it none the less. It was exciting and kept the reader going. Suspenseful would be another good adjective for this poem it has a series of cliff hangers that might mak...
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