NormaLizeth's profile

NormaLizeth avatar
AGE: 19
LOC: Las Vegas, NV
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 20

My name is Norma Lizeth, I am almost 20 years old. This is my senior year in college (NSC) and after a long break I have come back to Urbis. I hope to have time to look at a lot of neat stories (and some poems) before classes get intense.
English is not my home language so I apologize if my wording seems odd. Good reviews are always welcome and new friends as well.

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Poetry / Crossing Rivers
Version 1
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Crossing Rivers How I wish to be there for you when you face the new world. How I wish they cared to understand you when they see how special you are. I want to be there for you when your eyes start to water. I want them to respect you when you say the truth. Just like I taught you. I am not your mother, since I would never spoil you as she does. I am not your friend, since I would never speak badly of you. How beautiful you looked. Since I was a child I prayed for you. How can’t we not...
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Version 3
2 Reviews   0 Comments
Chapter 2: Binding Rings Scott felt strong hands pull him from his warm bed. At first, he thought it was a new dreadful dream. He was standing on the cold floor of the dorm looking up at the older Thigthens. They held his shoulders and pushed him forward. The gray walls of the dorm somehow seemed out of place as he gained good balance. He looked at those standing at the entrance. He had wanted this to be just another ordinary morning, after a bad dream, he could not ask for more. Instead, f...
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Version 4
2 Reviews   0 Comments
Chapter 1: Inside the Beast In his young mind, order was all that mattered. He did not think much as he ran along the grey halls. It was just going with the flow of things. He knew the paths from memory. Still he kept a map with him just in case. The lights flickered above. He wanted to hurry before it happened again. I should report that. His white and lose clothes rustling was the only sound along stonewalls. The pipes that went through them fit perfectly with no leaks. It was all in ord...
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Version 3
11 Reviews   4 Comments
Prologue: Melina was clinging to the chair as the doctor smiled at her. It was time to choose. She tried to smile back and not really think of the downside. Her husband placed a soft hand on her shoulder. They had already talked about it. It was going to be the right. The doctor held two fists closed around two similar objects. No matter what they would be happy; he had reminded them. She pointed to the right before he opened his palm. A small pink pear showed. “Congratulations, it’s a girl” ...
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Poetry / Box and String
Version 1
4 Reviews   0 Comments
Box and String This small box of mine Not so small or delicate Carrying my heart inside It was never enough to stop me I turn my back on loneliness I take my box and open it I find what was ruined The string that I used to weave I see the beginning of my pride Follows my insensitivity Then follows my restlessness More, more, I want more The rush of all ruined the master piece Everything inside is tangled Knot and knot I examine Desperation screams to destroy it And forget I try and then my ch...
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Horror / The Call
I am terrified by this image you have created. Though I only felt that you missed to present the feelings of the girl when she discovered her father naked in the middle of no where, or where and when did the 'evil' first made contact with him. Like having a begining where it actually sounds like this is God could be good.
"the five special girls, known as the Enchanted Goddesses" this is the prologue, don't give everything away. The fluency goes well for everything but this piece. I recommend you change it for something like "they had been born" You did well with magic and sci-fi mixed, BUT it kind of reminds me to some childrens' shows (WITCH/Winx Club.)Your fighting scenes went well as did the last part of the babies' escape.
Short Story / Wired: Part 1
moved 'my' to a (me) This is the kind of writing style that I like and the opening just captures you. It's not often that you see the dialogue be part only at the beginning. The end, I get the feeling that you were trying to make the reader wonder but not shocking enough.
Flash Fiction / 4Beers
I am shocked, and after reading it two more times I still am. Good choice of words, yet I am not familiar with some expressions. But that is what makes this so good. I kind of can tell and see within my mind where this is happening.
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