NoraRose's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: Yucca Valley, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 15
LOC: Yucca Valley, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 15
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Items
Version 1
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Bitter sweet, Is your embrace. Certain, Is your touch. Merciless, is your scent. Through all this; I hold you in sight a sea of possibility. Waveringly, I withstand you. Devoutly, I remember you. Idiotically, I wish for you. With no understanding of life; how inadequate myself I make. Like an animal before a storm. Fearless, I further myself. Without shame, I honor myself. With Regret, I teach myself. Through the sea, I loved you, before the storm I followed you, after I released myself. Life...
Version 2
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Rage Lullabies the soul to sleep. No escape created for thyself, pain disguised behind hope, and rocky paths lead through Eden. Time to settle in a snakes embrace. dream a thought of the heart. Hold it to thy soul for strength and melt with its embrace. Providence holds you not. Life continues beyond sleep; remember thyself; wake up to starlight and sheer bliss. The ominous shadow is what it is, life neither is nor isn’t.
Version 2
11 Reviews
0 Comments
Dew drops dance upon my face. Bright light glisten from behind trees and a soft melody plays in my soul. My feet sense the smooth walk, as sweet air fills and cools my lungs. Twitchy anticipation embraces my heart Magnificent flower arrangements baffle my senses. Uncontainable laughter escapes me. A tranquil breeze caresses my skin. Eager excitement rushes me; into the warm sunlight, I see you.
Version 1
12 Reviews
3 Comments
Dew drops dance upon my face. Splendid shimmers sneak from behind trees. A soft melody plays in my soul. My feet sense the smooth walk. Sweet air fills and cools my lungs. Butterflies swirl in my stomach. Magnificent flower arrangements intoxicates my senses. Uncontainable laughter escapes me. A calm, warm, breeze brushes my skin Eager excitement rushes me Into the warm sunlight, I see you.
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Hold me, love me, I don’t desire much. Just that you love me. I am selfish, but I can learn to share. Just believe me. I love you and will not condemn you. Just be honest with me. I know truth hurts, but I need to know. Just trust me. I am blind. Just like love. Please just release me.
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Reviews
I enjoyed this very much. Your descriptions were good and I liked the pace. I also like that your changed holds to cradles. I read that line over with hold and cradle and cradle just kept me in the romantic moment. I think a couple other words could be switched out too, to keep it in the mode and romantic view. Like Instead of, a light shone shyly, maybe a light shimmered shyly. Etched, is the other one. One more thing is I didn’t quite understand is the line, “The mars and embarrassments are...
I think you should consider rewriting this as a short story rather then a poem. I thought it a beautiful, heartbreak, romance story, but it was not quite a poem to me. The way the main character always explained his actions and thoughts took me out of the poem state of mind. I thought it was very well descriptive. I am not the best at grammar or sentence structure myself, but I could see that your poem needed some major corrections. At times it kind of took away from the reading. Commas and p...
I liked the poem and could relate to it until I got to this line, “The numbness of the thoughts in every spot.” This who line through me off and so I started over and read through it trying to get the meaning. Then I go to this line, “The sadness of my soul slowly makes it rot.” What is IT that is rotting? So once again I started over and read through this line as well, but then I noticed, all of a sudden, that the words at the end of each line rhyme with either the line before or after it. S...
Wow, I could so see this in a book of poems for Halloween or creepy poems to read around a camp fire. This gave me a delightful chill. The visual was very good, even felt like I was the narrator for a second. The beginning was a little confusing because I was not quite sure whose perspective I was seeing, but as it continued, woo what a read. Great work.
I liked your ideas and I see great potential in were this can go. I think it is very romantic and has a good science fiction flare. It seems like you have a good story and you know were you want it to go. I hop this is only a plot outline rather then an intro because there is so much not told. Even from the very beginning of you story. I would very much like a detailed glimpse of all your two characters and the worlds they live in as they see it. Good story, but its going to take a lot of wor...
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