Nina535's profile

I think the characters come out ok. They would become even clearer and more real if you could put in the thoughts of the person talking. For example, after <“I’m serious,” ... “What were you dreaming about?”> you could put: He always did this to her, they shared their life but they never shared their thoughts. Or something like that...

Overall it’s a very gripping story. I like how you skip from one setting to the other. The episodes are short enough not to forget about what was going on before and long enough to understand what’s going on. But I would cut some parts and rephrase others: First paragraph starts with action, is a bit gruesome but still, captures your attention. The second and third paragraph are a bit tedious to read. I would condense them into one paragraph by cutting the part: “It was just such a one ... ab...