The images and feelings evoked by this piece is wonderful. There are a couple of places where the word "and" dulls the emotion a bit. I would leave it off the beginning of Line 8 and in Line 13. Line 19 may be more effective with "often leaving in a quiet puff". This line "And I see love shine when you look at her." I feel could be shortened to "love shines when you look at her"--it makes it mor active. All in all, however, you did a wonderful job on this!

Wonderful mastery of language. I would, however look at changing the beginning. The rest follows a pattern. The structure of the beginning seems out of place with the rest. Try using the four words, then four rhyming lines structure here also--and I think you'll have a winner :-)

This works well--a complete scenario captured in these words. I wouldn't change it at all.

The best I've read so far! The possibilities with this are endless and I want to continue reading to find out more. Excellent job.

The flow of this poem is perfect. It takes a bit of questioning, however, to understand exactly what is being said. I had a difficult time deciding whether it was about a romantic love between women or a friendship-type love. I would try to clarify that point a bit better.

This could be an interesting tale. I think it captures the imagination enough to want to find out more.

This would definitely capture the potential audience. It speaks of depth and feeling.

The rhythm of this, if it is meant for a song, could use some tweaking. The best way to hear the rhythm is to read it out loud. As for the content and interest-producing aspect, you did a wonderful job!

I can see this in a book of inspirational poetry. The rhyme and rhythm is well done.

The concept and feeling in this piece is wonderful. It might read smoother if there was less use of the word "they". Try varying this, using Moon Children more or finding another descriptive substitute. It would also leave the reader more satisfied if there was more indication as to who or what the Moon Children are--lightning bugs, other-worldly beings, moths? It isn't quite clear. I believe this story has immense potential with just a bit of tweaking.