Pretty good rhyme scheme. A few minor grammar goofs, but nothing distracting. I liked your descriptive wording. The pain and emotion of the narrator are easily imagined in the readers' minds. Good work.

Excellent! I love the way you led up to the source of the narrator's emotions and gave the climax a twist! Eloquent wording and beautiful rhyme!

A very well-written piece. I can tell that much effort has been put behind the telling of this tale, and I would very much like to read more about Lilith and her sisters. I should say it appears to be much more lively than the other "vampire" stories that I have read, and if you don't mind me making comparisons, I'd have to say it has the same appealing atmosphere as some of James Pattersosn's "Maximum Ride" works. Excellent work!

It looks like you're off to a good start. I would recommend that if you end up rewriting this part, try to describe the events that are happening from a different point of view. You might find it exciting to act like a movie director and delve into the minds of your characters from several different ways at once. For example, when King is preparing to see the body for the first time, his first thought is the tears he will shed--perhaps your character has a deeper concern, a past experience, m...

A brilliantly-worded epic (of sorts!) with an excellent message. I love how you can take such a painful set of events and turn it into something so amusingly entertaining. You have uncommonly good grammar and an excellent choice of words! Fantastic job!

What an engaging story! My only qualm with it would be some slight spelling errors (changing "they're" to "their" in paragraph two) and a few of the opening ideas were presented in an enormous run-on sentence. You definitely knew what subject would interest your readers! Your character's unusual calm and compassion in such a crazy set of circumstances provide for an interesting read. Great Job!

This is the first poem of this type that I have ever read, and I definitely think it's fantastic! The image is easy to picture because of your excellent descriptions. The pattern is catchy. Great Work!

A very well-prepared story with definite attention to detail and interesting characters. I may decide to read further, but I find nothing particularly engaging in the way that this story is presented. This seems like the sort of material an author would present in the form of "backstory" segments in a longer novel. It is still a good, solid background for a story, however, and I hope you get the whole thing published!

You have the beginnings of a very interesting story here, but in the way it is presented now, I feel like I'm not seeing the whole picture. The main character is interesting enough, but it would interest me more if they were a part of the action on the television, not simply giving us a cynical "look what the world is coming to" commentary. It's all very well-done, for sure, and the ending is quite satisfying, but if you're interested in improving it, you have a lot of great stuff to go with!...

An excellent poem with an excellent title. I love the idea that history is doomed to repeat itself. It's a frightening commentary to human history. "planting seeds deep / in new generations" - how horrifyingly true. You may wish to change "there" in line 17 to "their" and add a hyphen to "on going" in the last line, but otherwise this poem is a jewel. keep it up!