NDawgInstitutionalized's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: Camden, SC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 15
LOC: Camden, SC
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 15
As the tag says, I’m known as NDawg, and I love to write. I usually write in the fantasy, sci-fi, or comedy, but I try to keep elements of all genres in my writing. If the situation calls for being serious, that’s what’s up. If I can squeeze a cheap laugh or two in there somewhere, then I will. I heard about Urbis from a friend of mine and decided to check it out. I like the whole getting reviewed by other writers who actually know what they’re doing. It’ll keep someone who just plain hates the D&D style of writing from totally flaming me. Any criticism on anything is most welcome. I love having people tell me what I’ve done wrong, so I won’t make the same stupid mistakes again. I hope this works out for the best, and I’ll try not to be …
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Ch 7 The next day, Strusk and Sidha had gone out to patrol the lands around their family dwelling. Strusk was in the lead, with his great mace Skullkraker unsung and in his hand, ready for trouble. Sidha had her bolo swinging by her side, a nice sharp rock already placed in the pouch. They would not be caught unawares. Sidha had asked him to lead her to this altar he had seen, for, as well as being no mean warrior, she was also a priestess of the Goddess, and may be able to divine where this ...
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Planejumper Book 1 Ch1 Moonlight glinted off the battlements of the castle walls. Guards marched down the walkways, making rounds, checking in, mostly doing things guards generally do while guarding on castle walls. In a certain corridor, a troop of such guards marched. They tramped down the hallway in lockstep, not stopping to investigate such things as shadowy alcoves or dark doorways. They got to the end of the hall and turned, continuing their route. “Took ‘em long enough.&rdq...
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Beast People Ch1 Argos paused at the crest of the hill and admired the unadulterated splendor of nature. He patted his horse on the neck as his eyes ran over the verdant blue-gold field towards the Blood Forest. The horse merely wondered when it would get clean straw and dry oats. The horse itself was a curiosity, as most of his people’s other tribes walked, out of respect to their brethren. Only Leonine Knights used horses. He set the horse off down the road toward the forest. Enjoyin...
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The Demon Lord Saga Book 1 -ch1- The Demon Lord stood upon the battlements of his fortress and sighed. Below him, massive armies with a stunning variety of demons, devils, succubae, incubi, and the like clashing for his amusement. This is getting old, he thought, and sighed again. He brushed imaginary dust from his armor and turned his attention back to the battle. His side was winning. Again. He looked to the side and saw his love, a vision of infernal beauty if there ever was one. H...
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The Demon Lord Saga Book 1 -ch1- The Demon Lord stood upon the battlements of his fortress and sighed. Below him, massive armies with a stunning variety of demons, devils, succubae, incubi, and the like clashing for his amusement. This is getting old, he thought, and sighed again. He brushed imaginary dust from his armor and turned his attention back to the battle. His side was winning. Again. He looked to the side and saw his love, a vision of infernal beauty if there ever was one. H...
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I don't have the wherewithall to be commenting on the characters, cuz I've only read this chapter, but it was very impressive. Apart from some spelling errors it was very well written. I noticed that you used 'moral' when you probably meant 'morale' but the idea came across. Also, there was a here when it shoulda been hear. The characters were very convincing and the dialogue made them even more real. It's refreshing to read a story with characters that act like real people. Though, and this ...
Very nice. I immediately want to know more about this Lezriel. The first part almost seems like a manifesto, but it flows well and makes interesting points. There were almost no typos or grammar mistakes (at least that I could catch). You don't really reveal too much about him, but that's cool cuz it's only the beginning. The dream he had when the chapter started is very reminiscent of the Eternal Champion stories that Micheal Moorcock did, but it's obviously your own thing. Big ups for origi...
This impresses me greatly. It kinda seems like one of the classic fantasy stories, but so far it's definitely it's own animal. The few mistakes I could find were probably just typos, so I'll try to keep this as constructive as possible. The Broken cobbles- Prolly just a typo, but the B in broken should probably not be capitalized naivety-naivete. there should be an accent above the second e, but that's just a restriction of the type, and not your fault. That's all I could find. Other than tha...
Nicely done! Most if not all of the mistakes in the first chapter were fixed, and there were only a couple minor ones in the second. An agitated, Eagle bit- Probably want to take out the comma, or just say Agitated, Eagle bit. “That little geek stole is using our slang!”- I don't know if stole is meant to be a derogatory remark in their slang. If so, ignore this'un. If not, maybe "That little geek stole our slang" would flow better. Yeah, that's all I could catch. Other than that it's very we...
I usually don't do the whole line by line thing, but if it'll help, he could now refer to himself with only one?- just use the one, or something of the kind. Himself twice kind of weighs down the sentence. between my and the road was New Mexico School District six bus number six.- betweem me, but that's prolly just a typo. Also, you may want to capitalize District Six, it got a little confusing. where he had just taken it a little too far.- taken it just a little too far. nothing really wrong...
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