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Myearhurts's profile 
AGE:
25
LOC: Alexandria, LA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 12
LOC: Alexandria, LA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 12
. . .
Items
Version 4
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Tommy had, early in life, developed a skill that would see him safely through all the tedious years of adulthood. When confronted with something he did not find particularly compelling, Tommy could take a deep breath and slowly exhale through a forming half-smile, and be launched into space. He would leap from foot to foot across a dusty moonscape and stare at the far distant earth through an astronaut’s reflective visor. “Hello, Earth” he would say. “Hello, Tommy,&rdq...
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Version 3
5 Reviews
4 Comments
Tommy had, early in life, developed a skill that would see him safely through all the tedious years of adulthood. When confronted with something he did not find particularly compelling, Tommy could take a deep breath and slowly exhale through a forming half-smile, and be launched into space. He would leap from foot to foot across a dusty moonscape and stare at the far distant earth through an astronaut’s reflective visor. “Hello, Earth” he would say. “Hello, Tommy,&rdq...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
11 Reviews
2 Comments
Tommy had, early in life, developed a skill that would see him safely through all the tedious years of adulthood. When confronted with something he did not find particularly compelling, Tommy could take a deep breath and slowly exhale through a forming half-smile, and be launched into space. He would leap from foot to foot across a dusty moonscape and stare at the far distant earth through an astronaut’s reflective visor. “Hello, Earth” he would say. “Hello, Tommy,” The Earth would smilingly...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
4 Reviews
5 Comments
Tommy had, early in life, developed a skill that would see him safely through all the tedious years of adulthood. When confronted with something he did not find particularly compelling, Tommy could take a deep breath and slowly exhale through a forming half-smile, and be launched into space. He would leap from foot to foot across a dusty moonscape and stare at the far distant earth through an astronaut’s reflective visor. “Hello, Earth” he would say. “Hello, Tommy,” The Earth would smilingly...
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Reviews
"Dizzy with my heart felt disease" Maybe you need some grammar here. I am not sure what this means. you have WAAAAYYY too many criteria to vote one.. cut that stuff out. It was groovy. I liked it.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
"mud red hair" I'm not sure if you need a comma or not there. I really like the description of how it feels to be on urbis. hahaha. I like it. I like it alltogether. Great.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
"there and us" that supposed to be "an"? I kind of hate to pick out things that are wrong. The whole story is getting really really sad just from the begining. . It is kind of heart wrenching. But. . I will give you a few. "they flowed like a dam that had busted" This may seem small, but trust me. You need to reword this. A Dam can not flow. Water flows. You see that? It's not that big of a deal, but you do this kind of thing a few times. You said he had dark eyes, and then you said his eyes ...
"Beyond the empty window frames of the ruined face of the experimental biology building" Ok this is your first line, and I have not moved on yet. But you can't throw that many adjectives in there like that. It does not flow. Try taking out some words. Orwell said never use two words where one will do. The repition of "of the" kind of ruins the flow too. But that is just the syntax. After reading the first paragraph, I can see it very well in my mind. "waited for (a?) rebellious moment" "his t...
I was waiting for the three person thing because of your comment. . and I still did not really catch it until I all together and read over it. It is a bit vauge, sorry. I didn't realize this was a same-sex couple with a kid until I read it twice. Styles seems decent for a kid's book, although. . I'm not sure what age this would sell to, honestly. The image of the kite as a snake suggests young child, but some of your sentance structure seems a bit complex for a really young child. Of course, ...
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