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MusicLife100's profile

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AGE: 16
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 21

I lead a teenage life in the suburbs of Detroit.

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Poetry / Hope
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
I am slipping slowly into the abyss And learning to accept the reality of this I always knew my bones would ache And there isn't another breath to take Of course the world is such confusion And black and white are both delusion I always knew it would haunt and tear I always knew it waited there What if I am faster, stronger? Then the pain lasts even longer What if I plead for my life to stay? That doesn't take the threat away If I rationalize, if I try to know What really lies so deep below N...
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Young Adult / Perception Chapter One
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
LYN Pull. Aim. Release. My arrow whizzed through the otherwise unstirred air. I frowned; it tilted a bit to the left, but still went over the gate to the Great Village of Glas. It was not as perfect as I had grown used to; I could see it as it began to fall at an imperfect angle, when it lost its momentum and titled toward the Earth. Then I heard the scream of its victim, shrill and surprised, but not panicked. I concluded that it had to have grazed someone, a woman, by the sound of the voice...
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Short Story / Snow
Version 1
6 Reviews   0 Comments
The darkness was infinite. Trying to back away from the dark figures looming before me, I tripped on a headstone and fell down. The grass underneath me was prickly. I wanted out of this place, with no moon and no stars and no hope. The figures—people draped in robes and hoods—stepped toward me. A tall, thin one reached for my neck . . . I woke up sweating on the first day of school. Spectacular, I thought. Now I’ll have to shower again. I looked over at my alarm clock. It was seven forty-fiv...
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Poetry / My Hope to Wield
Version 1
2 Reviews   2 Comments
I closed my eyes and closed my mind, Until my thoughts they would not find. I braced myself, crying just one tear As I heard the ghosts draw ever near. The swarm of them approached me fast, And I knew this day would be my last. But still I sneered, inviting them in, And in my ears resounded the din. I took up my sword, my hope, to wield, And my heart as my only shield. I was sick with only the fear, The monsters whispered in my ear. "My dear," they said, "Come closer, closer." But one step an...
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Short Story / A Whole Family
Version 1
21 Reviews   16 Comments
“What’s the capital of . . . pepper,” I said to my mother as she scraped a reluctant fried egg from a pan at the stove. From where I was sitting at the kitchen table, doing my geography homework, I could see the outlines of a smile on my mother’s face. “Honey, I’ve never heard of a Pepper, but if you’re studying it, you should check your textbook.” Who did she think she was fooling? She was a high school geography teacher. There was no Pepper. “Mom, I mean, put pepper on my egg.” She placed t...
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Flash Fiction / Papparazzo
This reads very much like a monologue--or like actual sppech. And in writing, your voice has to sound like speech, but be completely different. There is room for some deviations from grammar rules, but the foundation has to be correct grammatical structure. The whole thing is very choppy. try to vary your structure with sentences that are longer and more detailed, and it will sound much more natural.
Short Story / Expectations
What I like the most about this piece is the main charcter. Mira is lovable and relatable. The story is cute, but the pace needs some work. It feels like you're jumping from one event in the plot to another. I could hardly keep up with what was going on! At times like the phone conversation and the night before the date, it's a good idea to linger. Explore Mira's thoughts, create imagery in the scene around her, paint more of a picture instead of just explaining what happened next. I think wi...
Criticism / Out of love
I like the first sentence. I also like the second paragraph. There are a few spelling and grammar errors. I don't exactly get it. It was certainly fun to read.
I certainly thougth this was funny. I'm from Michigan--I don't have an accent, either. Except some people from Michigan tend to pronounce short "a"s really nasaly and weird, and I can't even describe it. I laughed, though. This was good.
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Novel Treatments / City of Concrete
Short Story / A Whole Family
Young Adult / Thoughts for the Time

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