ITEMS (3)
MsNikkie's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 24
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 24
I am 19 years old living in Saskatchewan, Canada. I have a beautiful daughter who is 2 and a half, she’s the love of my life! I am a current university student studying nursing. I have been writing poetry and children’s books since I was a small child and can never see myself giving that up. It would be my ultimate dream to write for a living, but that dream seems out of reach. Maybe it will happen some day – Keep my fingers crossed !! ( X )
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Version 1
8 Reviews
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Elusive, vicious world - Naive, altruistic girl.
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Version 2
8 Reviews
1 Comment
Unimaginative, inspiring. Imperceptible, effortless. Ongoing contradiction.
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Version 1
4 Reviews
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Impalpable, naive. Inelegant, yet radiant. What?
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Version 1
0 Reviews
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My name is Charlie, and I'm sorry to say, I may just ruin your life today. I'll take you out, you and your friends and show you the best time, teach you the trends. You'll love me at first, say I'm the shit but some time down the road, you may hate me, just a bit. I'll take what you own. I'll take what you are. You'll be left homeless, maybe living in your car. But eventually I'll take that too, you'll have no one, just me and you. You'll grow to hate me, with all your heart. And wish everyda...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
"Come outside" he said to me "Let's have a little talk" The room was wild with noise So this did not come a shock He led me out the backdoor Over a broken couch Past the shattered windows of the garage And into the ally way He asked about my day (Things he could care less about) I knew not what to say For I didn't have a doubt What was on his mind The thoughts inside his head I knew right then That all he wanted Was me naked in his bed Or on the gravel below our feet The car in the front yard...
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I enjoyed this one in the beginning. It started out very captivating, and your diction was amazing. The imagery was there in full force throughout, and words like "swoosh" and "tick, tick, tick", had a very powerful effect on me. But halfway through I found myself dosing in and out of the poem. Maybe it was just too long. This piece didn't grab my attention, and hold it there, leaving me beg for more. It held on tight, and slowly slipped away. In my opinion, the beginning was strong, as was t...
Overall, I really enjoyed this piece. There are a few minor changes I can suggest to you. But great write. I would take the "and" from the line "Elusive, alluring. I want you and " This decreases unnecessary words, and improves the flow. Although, to speak one more thought from this line, I love your word choice, "elusive, alluring". These words bring power to the stanza. I would also suggest removing, "just" from "Always just where I cannot quite see you." - again because it seems unnecessar...
This poem is pretty good. I found it a bit hard to read.. well I could not quite figure out exactly how it should be read. I have the same problem with my writing as well. I suggest reading it over a few more times, maybe switching a few lines. But great work! Keep writing, I think you have something there.
I loved this one! For me, it gives a message that you CAN get a message across in writing without perfect grammar and spelling. It seems like a knock at all of those grammar buffs who cannot see the beauty of writing without perfection. Wise words from me: "Imperfection is what I do best, for imperfection means I am just like the rest"! Great job, you definately have an artists mind.
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