MrJawbreakingEquilibrium's profile

Wow, I don't know how but you made talking about the weather interesting. I like how you made it seem like a scene from an action-comedy of some sort. The narrative voice reads very well and it flows like hearing someone talk to you rather than reading something, which I like. Your humor is spot on and I found it quite funny. I love your made up word - coldidity There's a few parts that I read that I either don't get or see possible errors with. any body - did you mean anybody? Either way, th...

Capitalize Bugs Bunny. It's well written mechanically. I just don't get it. Maybe if we knew what the daughter asked it would complete the story. But without that crucial "plot device" the story really is about nothing. Filling in a question there I think could inform the whole story and that would be all you need.

Not terribly original; think I may have heard it somewhere before in some form or another but nice job. Makes a good point.

I think the first sentence has way too many "and"s. Definitely needs some work on that one. Read it outloud and see how annoying it comes off. I think the first whole paragrap his too littered with the word "and". I don't know if I'd call this a story. It has a beginning but it goes nowhere. You mention a her but what does she have to do with anything? I see it as if you're trying to catch a moment in time but even that seems half-hearted. I mean the story doesn't reveal anything. What's the ...

If she was pushing the cup into the narrator's hand how is the narrator the one toasting? If somebody were doing the toasting it would mean that they already had a glass in their hand, right? If this is first person how does he/she know what "he" is thinking? And how is he? I don't get it. There's not narrative to this. It doesn't even seem like a story. I took the cue from the title and tried to read it backwards and it still didn't make sense to me. This seems just like a bunch of random th...