it was decent but what really bothered me was lack of structure to the poem. you go from six lines in the first stanza to five in the second and from there you keep switching it up and this makes it a bit hard to read. i know this sounds ticky tack but you have to keep a definable structure so that the poem flows and the reader has no problems reading and understanding. i like the idea of whether the garden can read a persons mind or not but you begin to stray from that as the poem progresses.

perty good poem but there are some sketchy words that you should consider revising. for instance "deceitful eyes" i dont see how deceit has anything to do with the topic of the poem. another very teeny tiny problem is grammar. instead of using a comma at the end of the first line put a period there. and after "at least not by human eyes" as well. expand more on the eyes. explain more about why the eyes are so important to the topic of the poem rather than any other sensory organ. overall its ...

i loved it just the way it was. some poems are better left simple and unexpanded. this is the kind of poem that gets a reader thinking. i like the last two lines. very nice poem there is really nothing to criticize. nailed it.

Ha! i love the bluntness of the whole situation. the simple diction is perfect. and i like the way you described roxy. when continuing this story i suggest you focus a bunch on roxy. shes one of those background characters that make a story ten times better. "I fired one shot at the bottle of whiskey for one last laugh. I fired the other bullet into my head." this is a perfect example of good writing. it threw me off guard and from that moment on i was hooked to your story. cant wait for more.

"I will then morph our bodies into one, so that I can read your every thought, feel the emotions that you behold, and our hearts beat as one." this stanza is awkward and doesnt seem to fit. i suggest revising it a bit. overall this was a good poem but i think that you need to find a better way of the two of you in the poem becoming one spiritually. it was written awkwardly and made the middle of the poem hard to follow in comparison to the rest. the beginning was good. i liked the metaphors e...

i liked it. the structure was abstract. for some reason i felt as if the poem was meant to be yelled aloud. i felt a bunch of anger reading it. i dont know if this is what you intended but thats what it did. overall its good but there are some general rhymes that come out funny for lack of a better word as if they dont fit. im not going to cite the specific rhymes. i suggest you yell your poem aloud to yourself. you might find something new you hadnt originally intended.

that was good i liked it. i dont have much to critcize on it and i especially like the last stanza. good job

some of the rhymes are off balance and awkward such as: The dawning of dead is at its peak Death is what we all seek ! it sounds funny when read aloud so i suggest you read it aloud and maybe re word the line. this poem actually sounds like it would make a good song. have you ever thought of wrting lyrics? i suggest you do?

it is good poem and like the message being conveyed. there are some minor grammatical problems and rhyming problems such as: "Instead of being locked in this feeling, of unsobering unhappiness." the repetition of un in two consecutive words makes it awkward to read so i suggest finding a different word. overall its good but just some minor technicalities to consider. you know polish it up