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MrBrooks's profile
AGE:
37
LOC: El Paso, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 07
LOC: El Paso, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 07
Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
6 Comments
It was dark. What was dark? Everything was dark. IT was dark. Pitch black velvet strewn across the land, impossible to see through, impossible to move through, yet stifling as if being in a dank musty room in the middle of the summer heat. The darkness pressed all around, sucking the soul out of everything and leaving a senseless, hollow shell. No matter how dilated they may be, eyes could not see. No matter how flared they might seem, noses could not smell. Ears, no matter how they strained ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
3 Reviews
2 Comments
So I had to go pick up my dad from the airport. He was up in Calgary or something on business. He’s always on business but that’s okay because I don’t really want him around anyway. I arrived at the airport about 20 minutes early. I guess I got the time wrong but I could’ve sworn it said 7:30. Anyways, to pass the time I went up to the newspaper stand to buy a paper. I hate newspapers. There’s too much paper and very little news. And I can’t stand the way they’re folded. The guy at the newsp...
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Reviews
it is good poem and like the message being conveyed. there are some minor grammatical problems and rhyming problems such as: "Instead of being locked in this feeling, of unsobering unhappiness." the repetition of un in two consecutive words makes it awkward to read so i suggest finding a different word. overall its good but just some minor technicalities to consider. you know polish it up
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
some of the rhymes are off balance and awkward such as: The dawning of dead is at its peak Death is what we all seek ! it sounds funny when read aloud so i suggest you read it aloud and maybe re word the line. this poem actually sounds like it would make a good song. have you ever thought of wrting lyrics? i suggest you do?
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
that was good i liked it. i dont have much to critcize on it and i especially like the last stanza. good job
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
i liked it. the structure was abstract. for some reason i felt as if the poem was meant to be yelled aloud. i felt a bunch of anger reading it. i dont know if this is what you intended but thats what it did. overall its good but there are some general rhymes that come out funny for lack of a better word as if they dont fit. im not going to cite the specific rhymes. i suggest you yell your poem aloud to yourself. you might find something new you hadnt originally intended.
33.3333% Review Quality (3 Votes)
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