You've got some ability. Some of the sentences you managed hear really made me chuckle. Nevertheless, what if you took your imagination and tried to criticize somebody without resorting to so much vulgarity? I bet you could come up with some really good stuff. Edgy doesn't necessarily mean crude. This piece does tend to ramble without much focus. You don't transition easily from originality to movies to Oprah. These points seem randomly pieced together rather than sewn into a unified whole.

Whoa. I was really enjoying your story- the dialog was crisp and believable, the use of descriptive phrases to describe the setting and the people was really well done- and then you went off on a polemic about freedom and the rights and responsibilities brought about by free discourse. My head snapped the other direction. Both of the sections were really well written. I just question the decision to combine them into one piece. Could you not have encompassed the first part into the essay of t...

This was really well done. I would have even liked this piece expanded in further detail. I would love to read about your family's backgorund and how they have been affected directly by the economy. There's much fertile ground here to expand this into a much larger piece. I would have loved to have seen your conclusion fleshed out a bit more than just a list. In general, I would love to read more which means, I guess, you're really on the right track here.

Can I steal this for when I quit my job? You know, change a few words around to suit my situation? Anyway, I love it when writers combine thesaurus words with vulgar words-"sychophantic turd", though you missed an opportunity with the "fat girl." A mind that can come up with "sychophantic turd" could do alot better than "fat girl." I'll leave that to your imagination. It's angry without being overly so. You were selective in your usage of vulgarity and profanity- just enough for comedic empha...

Really fun. This made me smiling throughout. I am very impressed with your unforced conversational style here- you don't try to impress with alot of put-on imagery. Keeping it that simple while also keeping it interesting is a real talent. I would have like to seen a bit more thought or detail given to your ending. I know this was just for an exercise in a writing class, but still. I don't know, say the character wakes up- it was all a dream- goes to the fridge, and one of the eggs is gone? S...

Time to break out a thesaurus. If you are setting the stage for a grand, sweeeping space epic, it's OK to go overblown on some of your word choices. Example- "War has erupted" instead of "War has broken out ." Change "continue to send his droid army" with "Unleashes his droid army." Stuff like that. You're hoping to tell a huge story. Don't be afraid of huge words- not pretentious big words just to sound smart, but words that evoke powerful images and emotions within the reader.

Enjoyable read. I wanted more. I was waiting for some crack about how "Tom" is everybody's friend and how strange that is or how sometimes MySpace is a crappy friend and says things like "Sorry we can't do that now. A message has been sent to the tech team" or whatever... I also like how you worked in break-up cliches ("I love you, I really do" and "We can still be friends"). Even more of these would have added some humor. "It's not you, it's me" has always been one of my favorites. This coul...

Well, obviously, this was effective as you managed to get rid of the cats and it's clearly not your usual Craigslit scribble. What I'd like to see a some work put into this so that it has some kind of narrative arc. As it stands, it's a well written craigslist post. That's good, but that's all this is. You seem to have some ability. Put some more work into this. See if you can't better incorporate more of a beginning and ending. Turn this into a story. The potential is there to really make th...

There's technical stuff you're probably aware of- mixing your tenses up ("he says" and "he said") can make your storyline confusing to the reader. You've got a nice grip on character development. I felt like I had a really good sense of these people as the story went on. That's not easy to do. To often, it seems writers want to get to the funny stuff and just have characters as an excuse to get there. Your humor comes from character. That's what made this work. Only after getting an idea of t...