Mozart's profile

I discovered time travel when I was just eight years old. I still look back with fond memories at the days when I used to put on my helmet and pick up my sword and disappear under the table, through my secret time portal. In reality my helmet was my mother's collander and my sword, just an old wooden spoon. At the time, that collander had protected me from medievil mace and Norman arrows while my spoon was the fiery blade that ran through many a trecherous villain. That was my reality. ______...

He walked, initially unnoticed, through the front door, sitting quietly in the corner of the living room. For just over two hours we sat looking at him, never making a sound. That is until my mother exclaimed: ‘Isn’t he wonderful.’ This was my first encounter with Russell Crowe, in the form of the Gladiator DVD. Since then he has gone from squatting for one night to being a full time lodger and I’m getting sick of it. Thanks to my mother I fear that there will be no getting rid of him. I have...

Living With Russell Crowe. 13/02/06 It wasn’t until the early part of 2001 when my household was suddenly extended by one member. He walked, initially unnoticed, through the front door, sitting quietly in the corner of the living room. For just over two hours we sat looking at him, ne’er making a sound. Silent. That is until my mother exclaimed: ‘Isn't he wonderful.’ This was my first encounter with Russell Crowe, in the form of the Gladiator DVD. Since then he has gone from squatting for one...

If there are more women than men in the world, how can it be that I am single. Who is having my share. I lie awake at night imagining some lucky little Italian strutting around Venice with a wash of twenty beautiful girls lying in his wake. I hate this man. Whether he exists or not. I am not some Italian hater. For heaven’s sake, I am Pavorotti’s biggest fan. It is just the very idea that rubs me the wrong way, the idea that while I have nobody to care for, somebody is spoiled for choice. It ...

Robert Mozelewski I died a few years ago thoroughly expecting to go to heaven having lead a pretty low key and un-prepossessing existence. Sure enough I climbed a metaphorical stairway to what I assume were the pearly gates. I waited in line, patiently while St Peter sorted out who was on the list. At least that’s what I thought was happening, I later found that ol’ Pete had rather a talent for delegation and was employing two trainee angels who were finding the filing system taxing. I suppos...