MoulinCool's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Littleton, NH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 07
LOC: Littleton, NH
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 07
ohhai.
im kayy.
and i like to write.
anything really.
-poetry.
-fantasy.
-silly stories that make no sense in the end.
-fiction.
anything that is fun and meaningful. [:
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It has been almost a year and a half since my fathers murder and almost four and a half years since the death of my mother. Have I recovered from either? Of course not. I still have the same reoccurring nightmare each night. Or, if I am lucky, every other night. Even whenever I think about the dream it is brought to life. Every sound, smell, happening… It is night. Its night but there is no luminescence given from the full moon on this dull September day. It is so cold that I can see t...
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Version 1
3 Reviews
2 Comments
It has been almost a year and a half since my fathers murder and almost four and a half years since the death of my mother. Have I recovered from either? Of course not. I still have the same reoccurring nightmare each night. Or, if I am lucky, every other night. Even whenever I think about the dream it is brought to life. Every sound, smell, happening… It is night. Its night but there is no luminescence given fr...
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Purple Love. Love is on my wrist Carved in ink Forever permanent A reminder of happy Purple love is on my wrist Feel each letter on my skin Line by line Stroke by stroke To feel the past of pain Love was on my wrist Vein tangled background Cold as Winter’s morning Frost on the hearse Red on noses Bitter winds thrashing about Trailing with it Purple Love.
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HORRIBLE YESTERDAY Let’s go back Go back Go back To that horrible yesterday Everything seemed so perfect Everything was like a fantasy But then you left You were always such a mystery To me So go back Go back Go back To that horrible yesterday You won’t spend time Time Time Trying to believe in me What you say I don’t care anymore So go back To that horrible yesterday Maybe we should try to figure this out Before things get too far ahead But when you say that you love...
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Puzzle. Pieces together A fit just right Snug in place Now you can sleep tonight Imagine the picture With your mind Tell yourself: What an extraordinary find Tree branch to tree branch Mother to son Holding hands forever more They’ve already won The lines on the frame The lines in life Cracks on the sidewalk Fill her smile with strife A mother smiles But begins to chip away Stains and missing pieces Where a child should be at play Life is a puzzle Glossy and cracked Some of real i...
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I love how you start with "He closed his eyes" and end it the same way... beginning in an exotic tone and moving throughout the story to end with a bit of a sad and sleepy tone. Excellent work and will definitely follow this and more of your work. Nicely done. [:
Second to last verse -"but scars reamin" -- "remain" ** A nice meaning behind the lyrics, but I could not guess a beat for this. Party because, I think, the flow is off. Actually, there really is no flow at all. Work on that, rhyme, etc., and I think this piece will be better. Nice work and good luck. :]
stomach is unbearable - are * unbearable "...my bladder take control during my slumber." - Change to "... my bladder lose control during..." If your bladder was in control, then there wouldn't be the embarrassment. Quite the scene that you have painted for the reader. You write very well and are very descriptive with the detail but I can't help but think that sometimes the amount of described detail you have is distracting from the story. While it is well-written, I feel like it was too much ...
The AB AB rhyme pattern at the beginning becomes ABC BC (kind of) slightly in the middle and then goes back to AB AB near the end. I suggest to make the whole song AB AB, so the lyrics flow more. But I really like what you have here. I could see an artist such as Jason Mraz (maybe? ) use this. Has that "earthy" and slow emotion to it. Nice work and good luck. :]
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