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Mosir1618's profile
AGE:
21
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 18
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 18
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Version 1
4 Reviews
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The sky’s on fire! God’s pyres plume above us, Fumes of freedom rain.
Version 1
0 Reviews
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Peep this congressional merry-go-round, So what if the democrats got the floor, The only reason they suddenly seem like a blessing Ties back to the old law of opposite’s, When one side is slacking, Then the other end of the spectrum has to offer more. Well there is no spectrum in politics, there is no such thing as black and white, Just a whole lot of corrupt henchmen across the board. The devil’s set up camp in the White House And politics got so many good men by the dick The innocent don’t ...
Version 1
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Yeah I smoke but jokes on me, cause see, somewhere deep down inside, I hate weed. Not for what it does to me, I love that instant rush, that’s what I picked the stuff up In the first place. Naw, my very passive, almost pathetically apathetic aggression came about because it makes me okay with the fact that you and I - aren’t together. It makes me okay with all this bad weather around and buries that which I know about myself, that one thing that sets me apart from the rest of the children gri...
Version 1
7 Reviews
0 Comments
Believe in your own convictions... At the very least, you'll be believing in yourself.
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Screams... One is frail, and scared, And pleading, and bleeding. The other belligerent, leaving imprints of fists across flesh he once kissed, and loved. And there I am, not the focal point of the memory, Just tucked away in a corner concealed by a torn up linen sheet, Watching fervently as my nightmares are realized and forever ingrained on this young child's impressionable eyes. I was crying, sharing my mother's tears Cause fear of what I was seeing prevented me from doing anything. And he ...
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Reviews
Deleted Item
Good attempt, but it needs much revision, punctuation corrections, improved dialogue, etc. Keep working at it!
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I like the subject. With so much of the fiction on this site centering around medevil-esque fantasy a crime thriller is nice to see. A thought some of the writing seemed tried, like a lot of the dialogue seemed fake, like I couldn't picture someone actually saying that. Maybe if you added more insight into the cahracter's expression/tone/etc. it could make the dialogue seem more natural.
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