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Moontan's profile
AGE:
30
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 21
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 21
Who am I?
I’m like every other human being; a product of one’s parents, environment, and experience.
One way I think of myself is this: I have too much of a little girl in me to be a goth; I have too much of a goth in me to be anything other than a geek.
My particular interests are writing, reading, vampires, role-playing, fantasy, video games, and human behavior.
My history as a ‘writer’ comes from the time when I was in grade 7. I won a video game (Final Fantasy 2/4) that I loved, and decided, in my young foolishness, to write a sequel. Since then I’ve been writing on my own, mostly as a writer of vampire fiction. At first I would only share my stories with my siblings and very close friends, afraid of being mocked or sc…
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That evening, when Vikton and Shayden were alone again, the former gave the latter a long look. The two of them were creatures of habit now, which made any deviation from their patterns painfully obvious to each other. "You seem to be in good spirits this evening," the loyal follower said, arms resting behind his back. "Is that a problem?" the Lord asked, not taking his eyes off the view of his land. He had always enjoyed the sight, even in his gloomiest of moments. When it was blanketed in ...
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A few hours later both Shayden and Cytheria were at the Pavilion, the large, central structure that most important public events were held at. Despite the dread in the minds of the people, the faces wore smiles. The place was decorated in soft hues of blue, gray, white, and silver, reminiscent of a winter world. In contrast the girls dresses were in many vivid colors, each article chosen with care. They wanted to show off for the men to snare one without catching the eye of their Lord. Cyther...
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At the end of September I went into the hospital. Of course, I didn't know it at the time. I didn't know about it for approximately a week afterwards. You see, what happened was this: my spinal fluid got attacked by a virus. It all started with a massively painful headache. Being prone to migraines, I thought it was just a magnified version of one. When I started to lose feeling in my limbs, however, my family decided going to the hospital was a good idea. So we went. I lay in a hospital bed ...
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I don't remember setting all these goals on my pieces...did they change things around when I wasn't watching? Honestly, I feel as though I'm all pretentious for having a rating scale tagged onto my work asking if anyone thinks I'll be the best ______ on Urbis. That just seems so out of character for myself. I never aspire to be the best anything. I don't write because I'm ambitious, I write because I feel impassioned to do so, and I just hope that I might entertain, educate, inspire, or surpr...
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It's really hard to tell which of us is being reasonable right now. We could both just be going crazy in two different directions.
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I wasn't sure what this would be when I clicked the title, but I was glad it was a vampire story! You put a lot of words that are evocative of emotion in, and I enjoy that aspect of the story. In particular the line: "slithered like snakes into his dreams" really caught my eye. If I was to pick a flaw, it would be subject agreement. In the beginning there is a lot of it and their used, and I think some of it needs to be gone over. For example: "their hearts thumping ended as suddenly as it ha...
Wow. I really didn't anticipate how things were going to finish. It's a good short story because it leaves the reader with more questions than when they started. Until the crash, you lull the readers into a sense of safety, boredom even. Very interesting. As far as grammar and spelling goes, I didn't see any glaring errors. Though I'm wondering why only the children seem to have names.
The imagry and referencing in this poem are nice. However, I'm not really sure where the first three stanzas fit in with the last one. Then again, maybe I was thrown off by the fact that you mentioned it being based off of American Gothic in your note. Also, I found some of your words split between lines to be rather jarring, as though someone had to pause to drink while speaking the poem.
I like it! It has the proper ring and flow of a good fantasy novel so far, which is nice. The only flaws I've really seen so far are technical rather than conceptual. One thing I found odd was that you don't really give any physical descriptions of anyone except a little on the Zanar and the mage that delivers the message to the Commander. Anyhow, the flaws I picked out are the following: Why had they stopped even following them now (that) they had descended from yesterday’s ridge? - It seems...
Now, I don't know much about screenplays in general, but I think you have a good thing going here. I would suggest, perhaps, adding a little more casual action while the characters are talking. Pacing, or turning to look at an object in the room, etc. Also, in the description of Claudia, I think you mean Warrioresque. And I'm not sure if 'birth' is the right word. I looked it up, and it all had to do with the act of giving birth or lineage, neither of which can be worn, let alone provocatively.
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