This was a hard story for me, as a guy, to get into. Not because we don't care about these things, at least, not any self-respecting man, but just because it's hard for us to relate to the emotions and little details that women pick up on. That being said, I wanted to smack Shawn upside the head a couple of times. I have a number of friends who have gone through this kind of situation and, from what they have told me, you have captured the experience fairly well.

Interesting story. I had a little trouble following it. Perhaps some dialoge would help break up the large paragraphs and keep the reader pointed in the right direction. It was a little confusing in the second half what exactly was going on; who the robed figure was, etc. You had a lot happen in a very short time.

Loved it. Great story. I love the surrealism you employ throughout, especially having the little you kick you in the shin. Don't know what all of it means and that's half the fun of reading a story like this. I'm glad you didn't try to explain everything or spell it out. Let the readers come to their own conclusions. The ending was prefect. Just more trippiness for us to try and figure out.

I really liked this story. I love the premise and you execute it very well. I would have liked to read more of the dialog between the two, though. You do such a great job of describing and your dialog is perfect, so why not add more of the conversation into the story? It would allow us to get into the mind(s) of the two a little deeper. I thought it was a neat story though. Good job.

This isn't really my type of story, but you did a great job of conveying her feeling for him. Perhaps a little too much. You use the word 'love' 7 times in the first paragraph alone. The characters are obviously young (high school?) and the writing reflects that. I would suggest, though, that you inject a little perspective into the story so it doesn't sound too much like a girl's journal entry. Unless that was the feel you were going for. Again, not my usual type of story so I may be off on...

Good start to the story. A little too much backstory I think, though. Sometimes, when you throw too much information at the readers all at once, it tends to drag a little. I like it so far but my suggestion would be to break up the exposition and splice it in gradually as the story unfolds.

Interesting so far. Watch your grammer though. It tends to be a little distracting at times. Also have a little problem with run-ons but that could be how Rob is thinking so it could work. You might want to think about breaking the dialog into separate sentences to break up all the text a little. You don't have a lot of white space so far and that can be difficult sometimes to wade through. All in all though I think it's a good start to a story.

Very good descriptive text. You got into the scene with clarity and poignance. My only suggestion would be to break it up into a couple paragraphs. Don't overwhelm your readers with massive blocks of text unless it's necessary. Break it up, give them some white space.

I kinda liked it. It could be a fun little story, a day in the life of Qumph or something. Send him out into the world fulfilling his godly obligations. You might be familiar with "The Sandman" comics by Neil Gaiman. If so, then have you read the story "The Sound of Her Wings"? You could use the same basic idea, only in a humorous way.

It seemed like you were going in one direction, but then changed. I'm not sure what you are trying to say. Temptation? Envy? Good descriptions though.