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LAST LOGIN: September 08
LAST LOGIN: September 08
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Version 1
40 Reviews
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THE IMP Jenna loved her house. She loved the wooden floors in the foyer and dining room. She loved the oak-paneled family room downstairs. She loved how the patio door off the dining room led out into their well-manicured back yard complete with the lighted stone path leading to the pool. In the year they had lived there, she had grown to love the house more and more with each passing day. She dried her hands on a towel and hung it over the door of the oven. The dishes were done. The smell of...
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It seemed like you were going in one direction, but then changed. I'm not sure what you are trying to say. Temptation? Envy? Good descriptions though.
I kinda liked it. It could be a fun little story, a day in the life of Qumph or something. Send him out into the world fulfilling his godly obligations. You might be familiar with "The Sandman" comics by Neil Gaiman. If so, then have you read the story "The Sound of Her Wings"? You could use the same basic idea, only in a humorous way.
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Very good descriptive text. You got into the scene with clarity and poignance. My only suggestion would be to break it up into a couple paragraphs. Don't overwhelm your readers with massive blocks of text unless it's necessary. Break it up, give them some white space.
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