MistyMix's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 21
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 21
In a dingy bathroom of a small restaurant in Colorado, the thought that arose in my mind was not concerning the detestable stench of the facility, but instead, I thought, “I’m going to write a book when I get home.” Poetry was my first love at thirteen, but now I write everything. My life’s ambition is to make a living as a writer. I am in college to help achieve that goal. I took a four month writer’s sabbatical in which I wrote a book, Muck and Mire. Then I spent an innumberable amount of time querying and talking to agents. I was then convinced I needed school. I have participated in a few poetry readings, and I have several publishing credits.
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
5 Comments
Empty road, no traveler to meet. Strange landscape, exceptionally endowed in beauty. Atop one isolated giant, rocky and steep, Woman stands beckoning. Compelled to climb. Slow stumble, clumsy crawl to meet her. Time passes as I move upward. Wrinkles appear small, but lengthening. Hands are white with tension, red with pain. Closer her face begins to focus. Youthful merriment written across her cheekbones. Dark hair cascading and twirling, In a wind that doesn't find me. Fairness of go...
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Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Empty road, no traveler to meet. Strange landscape, exceptionally endowed in beauty. Atop one isolated giant, rocky and steep, Woman stands beckoning. Compelled to climb. Slow stumble, clumsy crawl to meet her. Time passes as I move upward. Wrinkles appear small, but lengthening. Hands are white with tension, red with pain. Closer her face begins to focus. Youthful merriment written across her cheekbones. Dark hair cascading and twirling, In a wind that doesn't find me. Fairness of go...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
1 Review
1 Comment
Walk up the weather beaten stairs, Savor the sounds of laughter, seeping into the open air of the night. Familiarity of voices drapes thoughts. Light drips from the windows, Silhouettes of the residents inside dance across vision, Chimes struggle in a rush of cool wind, Winter’s frigid breath against the skin, Warm euphoria beats away the chill, Voices pull her inside. Tree covered in shimmering mirages a guard presents, Unknown treasures and tinsels not the cause for her smile, Waiting arms ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
3 Comments
Church railing is not the focus. Smiling face is not for the photographer. She is in her favorite spot: daddy's arms. Wind entices blonde hair to dance. Tree leaves stir up a melody. Eyes closed against the sun. If opened, reflections of delight would shine. Lace adorned blue dress and red stripped blue shirt all against a blue sky. Air smells of country: fresh manure, honeysuckle, tiled earth. Sunlight in their faces illuminates much, but not all. The lens again will never capture these two....
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
Walk up the weather beaten stairs, Savor the sounds of laughter, seeping into the open air of the night. Familiarity of voices drapes thoughts. Light drips from the windows, Silhouettes of the residents inside dance across vision, Chimes struggle in a rush of cool wind, Winter’s frigid breath against the skin, Warm euphoria beats away the chill, Voices pull her inside. Tree covered in shimmering mirages a guard presents, Unknown treasures and tinsels not the cause for her smile, Waiting arms ...
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Reviews
I think you might consider breaking up some of the patterns in the rhyme. Me, see... Tall, fall... Getting that nursery rhyme effect. Maybe throw in some near rhymes just to break up some. It seems like a dark message wrapped in a pink bow. "The end of the world as we know it," makes me think of REM. Maybe try something else there. You probably don't want people thinking of them. You seem to shine the most in the chorus which I really like. The chorus verses are well written.
When a subject has been done so many times aroudn a specific subject like this a poem has to be very well written to stand out. You accomplish that with this poem, thus I was very impressed! Excellent job sincerely! "I wipe your breakfast," line from first stanza stops the whole work. Confusing. Discuss more in comments if requested. "I know you know" again just stops the reader. Seems unnecessary. I would change little though. This is a very unique work. Good job!
This is a good poem. I have a few questions as to what is happening in the work meaning it is a bit confusing. I think maybe because it is somewhat abstract. My take was that the first guy killed someone driving a train. Then it seems you switch to the lawyer who is trying the case, but she loses. So is it he and her that meet in the casino and leave together? That was my perception of the work. I think the stanza beginning with, "He wryly remarks," is not needed. His remarks throw off the po...
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