This is a haunting piece of work, you've painted a great picture. I just have a few technical suggestions: Shave you're words a bit, to make the piece read quicker: she had [she'd] she would [she'd] ..She was much doted upon, she supposed, when she did come home to her... This sentence is a little confusing. I think you might need to give the characters names or rephrase. Other than that, well done.

This is a great start to your story. A great start. Just a few technical suggestions. 1. Read your dialogue out out loud, that way you'll lose a lot of words you don't necessarily need. 2. Maybe change the following sentence: "Yes that's quite clear, the principal of the matter though is that we've yet to know what she'll... [you see that I've merged a few words to make the sentences read quicker] "Delvin spoke again interrupting Alan before he could move on to the next line..." This line doe...

Great opening line. Great, honest story. Well done for putting it out there. As normal, I don't offer suggestions on your story, just a few technical comments to hopefully help you out. They're set out in order of the story: 1. Becareful on how many times you use the word 'had' throughout the piece. Example: ...my father said... 2. I found that there are a lot of long sentences, Example: Second sentence needs to be made into two; it's a bit too long. See if you can break up this story with mo...

It's a cute little story that has some really funny moments but I felt it didn't seem to go anywhere in the end. A few technical suggestions [in order of the story]: 1. I like the concept of the opening line but think it could be reworded to suck the reader in a bit more. Example: 'I never liked Doctor's. I mean, I like my Doctor, but the visit was always a stress.' 2. ...so fat... maybe be a little less large ...so large... 3. Read the dialogue outloud and that'll give you sharper sentences....

This is a cute story. Just a few technical suggestions: 1. Read the dialogue out loud. That way, it'll sound more real. For example, "What that hell is your problem young man?" would read better as: "What the hell's your problem!" 2. The story seems to be a bit short. There was no real struggle, just a young cub proving himself to his father. The father seems to give up a little easily for a strong lion. I enjoyed the interaction between George and his mother.

You've painted a glorious picture of the morning. Just a few technical comments: 1. Suggest change opening line to: "I woke before the sun and watched it rise." 2. There were too many short sentences. Example: "I went for a walk afterwards, stopping occasionally to pick up seashells. On the way, I passed a fisherman... etc. The last paragraph was great, well done.

Excellent quote.

This is a good and thought provoking piece. I'd like you to talk more about the Mirror of the World. The sentence starting: "A fantasy world existing in a real world where a woman’s value..." is a good statement but it's what I call a 'Motherhood Statement'. It just says something. I would like you to delve much deeper into the 'How'. How it is a fantasty, how it's unrealistic and unhealthy. That Cinderella line is perfect for what you're talking about and maybe should be the first thing you ...

I think your 'Notes for Reviewer' is much more profound than your quote. I loved the 'rock' and 'hands upon rock' reference.

One of the best stories I've read so far, well done. The opening line was brilliant as well as the ending. There is just some minor editing to be done, like 'turn on' [add 'on'] and 'It'll never happen again'. I enjoyed the quirky IKEA like references throughout. I look foward to reading more of your work.