These three lines seem to lack a connection, other than in the realm of feeling a tad vertiginous. I like the last line, but the first two lines feel a little shambolic.

This is very true, and a painful look into what can happen when we let our standards slip and become apathetic to the world.

A very sensual ku. I think the second line portrays young love well, which is perhaps the point. The purplish tone works well to evoke a more upmarket sense of eroticism. I am fond of the feeling this evokes in me.

You have the lingo down-pat. I can see this being popular with your age group for the following reasons: You are certainly a gifted writer, this much is true. I see in this story great potential for your niche writings in the future. The characterisation is solid, the prose punchy and funny. The first issue I see to be addressed is the characterisation. I have to say that I do get a great sense of these character’s motives or inner emotions. I was able to connect with Cosmic Girl, for example...

There are numerous grammar issues here, from your incorrect use of dialogue (at the end of each sentence you should have a comma, the speech marks then 'he said' and so on in lower case). However... this is more skilful than some of the material posted by the adults on here so... well done! I think a certain immediacy might help in your words, practicing a certain policy of “de-weeding” the superfluous adjectives, especially at the beginning of the piece which relies on an intense, searing st...

A humble paean to the Thursdays of longing… the Fridays of yen. I took several things from this: a sense of resigned mid-afternoon melancholy, a gentle optimism that things will gather back into brilliance, and a whispery breath of hope. Sparse phrases, beautifully chosen! S1: It is though the poem begins seeking to explore the dusty domain of depression, but is cut short at the ellipsis. It is here he seems to attack, and then the poem slips into gauzy navel-gazing wonder, its confidence fla...

Incredibly interesting and amusing stage play we have here! I was very intrigued right from the opening soliloquy. You are certainly a gifted writer, this much is true. I see in this stage play great potential for your writings in the future and enjoy being able to read and offer this critique to you now. I hope my words will help you in your quest for improvement! The first issue I see that perhaps could be addressed is the characterisation. I have to say that I don’t get a great sense of th...

A dignified paean to the need for support in times of deepest emotional distress. The first stanza can be read in many respects as the bleakest. I read this as someone is desperate need of energy and revivification. Using lowercase letters helps create fine imagery here of emotional despondency. It can also be read as a plea for love, or a plea for affection. The metaphorical "batteries" could refer to human fuels, for someone to come and help "recharge" this wounded individual. The final sta...

Bleak, but technically very vivid. Strong use of alliteration, assonance, great euphonics. It reads like a powerful quote, but making it into a haiku splits the impact three-ways, thus rendering it triply powerful. A very powerful anti-war haiku, pertinent in a post 9/11 world. -M

Yes! Great title, comrade! The titles should be long enough to form the bridges we will take into the Castles of Drabblonia! The erobotica is euphemistically lacquered in the prose... my eyes are left goggling with the pulsing carnal images thrown up here. It's like making love with Captain Beefheart and post-coital puffing with both of the Cocteau Twins. I love the musicality of your words. This is more a dance of love rather the wrestle of love, and I can feel Renaldo dancing right to the e...