Wow, this was extremely well-written and well constructed. I liked the last stanza, probably because it confused me but sounded great. Is the first line supposed to be the way it is? It seems like this would be read, and each word getting louder and louder. I love the line breaks, they work really well. I'm not so sure about the first stanza, though. It seems iffy to me and I can't really figure out why. The Yankee player with bad knees was definitely my favorite part. Sorry if this was just ...

I don't really feel the emotion, it's all a lot of recycled phrases and awkward wording. I'm sure there is a way that you can turn this around to not be so redundant. I do like the repetition of inner self, but it doesn't help the repetitiveness. Work on the structure and the word choice, and vary everything up.

"dark, bloody, wet sleeve" blood sleeve would suffice. Don't use weird dialouge. If they talk different and you can say "He talked with a lisp" or something, the reader can fill it in themselves. I like the description the character gives about the woman, it shows us what she looks like without just stating it, a plausible way to put it. rain was falling as usual, not as per. There were other little mistakes, but I didn't want to waste your credits. but this was an all right story lines, but ...

This is a really great poem, I just got really sad. The winter and spring thing works very well, and the writing is very well structured. I love the realism and imagery. The specific names works very well here, and I adore the last stanza. I know it doesn't mean much from a complete stranger, but I am extremely sorry you had to experience such a tragedy. Good luck, and persevere.

I didn't like the third stanza, second line, it seems awkward, and cursing, while it used to be edgy is now used when someone has nothingelse to say. And the first part of it sounds like a line in the Less Than Jake song For The Rest of My Life. But otherwise, I like the rest. The repetition works well for it. Good job. :)

This is very cool, I like the use of all of the senses and getting down to the end, I can almost feel what it would be like if I lost all of my senses. Scary! Haha but otherwise nice job, I like the word choice in most spots, but the flow seems a little stunted, so maybe work on that. And maybe shorten up the parts that aren't as important.

Okay, you have just elucidated on one of the most trying of all beginning writer's downfalls so perfectly, I doubt Strunk, Dickens, or some other writing dudes could have done a better job. And besides the amazing writing, you made this flowing, interesting, and concise, while using a very cool metaphor with the joke, and the running. I've honestly never read (not that it's saying much, I don't read stuff like this normally) something so well crafted and simple. Okay, so here's the negative: ...

he didn’t need it, she was one of my best friends-- this is a fragment, split into two sentences. who isn’t a Hyrulian like me-- don't need the like me. back then, now Zelda--fragment. You do this a lot, and need to watch out for it. Usually a simple and or but will do the job, but sometimes it needs to be two sentences. You need to work on word choice throughout, and clarity and explanation. Almost each section starts out with a half-assed "I'm Link" sentence. Both the voice of each section ...

This was a very good poem, easy to read, even though it's got a lot of deep hidden meanings. I definitely liked the rhyme scheme, it works well. I didn't see anything that seemed forced or awkward. I don't think that, in the first stanza, that marvolous is the best word choice. Maybe Miraculous if you wanted to stick with M, or somehting different altogether. In the second line you can eliminate many. The image of shadows dancing toward the soul's demise sort of works, but may need to be rewo...

This is a very good structure for this poem, it sounds to me like the style of Spoken Word. The rhyming is pretty awesome. Only a few comments. The whole point of poetry is for the writer to get out what they're feeling and the reader to relate to it in their own way, not for you to tell them what to feel. Other than that and a few minor punctuation problems, I really enjoyed this piece. Good job!