MikeMartyr's profile
AGE:
17
LOC: Barnegat, NJ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 28
LOC: Barnegat, NJ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: February 28
Hey, my name’s Mike. I’m sixteen. Wow. Sixteen year old writer, what the hell do we expect out of him? If it makes you feel better, I’m not like that. I’ve dedicated a lot of my time to writing and reading, and it shows in my work. I want to be an English teacher and a published author. That’s pretty much it. Oh, if you don’t capitalize at least the letter ‘i’ habitually, you really aren’t much of a writer.
Items
Version 2
8 Reviews
2 Comments
The city was in flames. Pockets of armored raiders coalesced through the carnage, stepping over a dying garrison soldier here, a bleeding boy there, stomping on a flailing woman’s head, kicking out at a struggling merchant. Small groups of living townspeople ran hard for known exits, but most were cut off from escape. I won’t die for this city. Kern and his men be damned. I’ve got my information, I’m gone. Strand Thos shoved his ring and scraps of papers into his tun...
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Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Strand Thos shoved his ring and papers into his tunic pocket, breathing hard. Smoke curled through the windows of his one room house from next door; his unfortunate neighbor now had less than a shell of a house remaining. He ran from the smoky bedroom, through the kitchen, and wrenched open the front door, choking and spluttering as he took off to the left. Thos sprinted down the small street he had lived on for the past six months. The stars of the early morning sky glittered ...
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Reviews
This is a very good structure for this poem, it sounds to me like the style of Spoken Word. The rhyming is pretty awesome. Only a few comments. The whole point of poetry is for the writer to get out what they're feeling and the reader to relate to it in their own way, not for you to tell them what to feel. Other than that and a few minor punctuation problems, I really enjoyed this piece. Good job!
This was a very good poem, easy to read, even though it's got a lot of deep hidden meanings. I definitely liked the rhyme scheme, it works well. I didn't see anything that seemed forced or awkward. I don't think that, in the first stanza, that marvolous is the best word choice. Maybe Miraculous if you wanted to stick with M, or somehting different altogether. In the second line you can eliminate many. The image of shadows dancing toward the soul's demise sort of works, but may need to be rewo...
he didn’t need it, she was one of my best friends-- this is a fragment, split into two sentences. who isn’t a Hyrulian like me-- don't need the like me. back then, now Zelda--fragment. You do this a lot, and need to watch out for it. Usually a simple and or but will do the job, but sometimes it needs to be two sentences. You need to work on word choice throughout, and clarity and explanation. Almost each section starts out with a half-assed "I'm Link" sentence. Both the voice of each section ...
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