Mike's profile
AGE:
33
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 15
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 15
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Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
"Good night, sweet girl." "Good night, young man." She boards her one- way flight to new home.
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Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
She remembers past dances before this last one and whispers, "Thanks, Dad."
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Version 1
14 Reviews
7 Comments
So, I got a new job dancing with nuns, which comes right after and beats the Hell out of my current job of dancing with monkeys, though the monkeys are adorable. The biggest difference between dancing with nuns and dancing with monkeys is that the nuns smell better than the monkeys. It’s not that they smell particularly good; they just smell better than monkeys. Other than that, they have a lot in common. They share a lot of the same concerns and neuroses. They want to be reaffirmed. Both the...
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Nice! I like the message of strength and perserverance and I like the repetition of the line "We were brothers once". I have two suggestions. 1) "I’m either of the pack or prey" Make this line more parallel by changing it to "I’m either of the pack or of the prey" With parallel structure, it will sound better when spoken aloud. 2) My personal preference would be for more punctuation. Punctuating each line directs the reader on how to read it more deliberatively. Again, nicely done and keep it...
Ha! That's awesome! Very funny! My only suggestion would be to add an exclamation mark at the end of the title. Nice!
This is filled with great wording! "of jaded lucidity" is my favorite turn of phrase in this. And I really like the strength and determination in the message. I like the use of "loneness" versus "loneliness", too. I like that this is written as one paragraph, rather than broken into lines. I have a couple of recommendations: 1) "we sit in grey of twi" I would recommend that you just go ahead and say "twilight", because "twi" sounds lacking. 2) I would recommend that you go through it again an...
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I wholeheartedly agree with what you are writing and applaud you for tackling this issue in front of your peers. I've written something similar addressing the same issue, because I believe it's important to talk about and have people think about the prejudicial words they use. Thank you for writing this and thank you for sharing it. You begin it very well. It really grabs the reader's attention. I do have some constructive criticism. 1) "What’s dire is that we have to push away the old words ...
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