Michael_Javert_13's profile

For a poem, this is good. There are a few things that can be improved on in clarity of your lines. I feel that you do have a talent for telling a story in a unique and clever way, I admire people that have a way with words. I didn't like that it was a little difficult to understand though.

This chapter I was even more confused. There are some spelling and grammatical errors which added to some of the confusion. It is unclear who is doing what or why they are doing it. I did not like this chapter because I found it to be difficult to read and understand. It could use a little refining and clarification. Maybe saying the same thing in a different way might help.

The story is good, however, it was a bit difficult and confusing to read. The creativity is unique of your imagination, but the names were also a little difficult to keep straight on the Who is who. I was also confused as to the reference of the feather pen, in which I assume you meant a quill, but if using a quill, then why the modern technology of getting married via a computer and the reference to a flat panel TV. The overall plot is good, but the story line could use a little refining and...

I like your writing because it reminds me of myself. I can relate to the character of this piece and I especially liked the part about being a ghost, a dreamer, and the feeling of loneliness.