To be honest... Thousands, millions of people have talked about flowers waiting to be discovered.Anthropologists, biologists, archaeologists...all have spent ages studying either living or dead samples of flowers. In terms of a sematic phrase? It is fine. As a memoir? Possibly. It certainly leaves open the potention for a lot of discussion. What kind of flower? What kind of discovery? How can you attribute a clearly human emotion to a clearly inhuman object? Is that meant to work as a metapho...

First stanza is an interesting rhyme scheme. It's simple but in its simplicity it conveys the power of a singular call. I think it was certainly appropriate to repeat "it" in reference to the call, both literal AND metaphorical that you describe. As I personally know a reservist navy officer who did not take up the call when asked, there is acertain understanding to the daunting journey ahead. The military is calling those who are not necessarily qualified for ground fighting and the use of f...

You can't start the first line with in or it throws off your readers when they read the period. A period is meant as a sense of ending, but the sentence itself hasn't ended. You should start it, to make sense, "There is a land called the 'land of the rising sun', a land of promise and passion." Otherwise it makes no sense as a sentence. What is in the land of the rising sun? Two statements about the land don't make a complete line of thought- so either revise it the way I came up with above, ...

My general impressions? Good. No, great! Creatively written and an interesting play on words and narrative. I enjoyed the setting, I enjoyed the topic area, and I enjoyed the diction. The build up with the parallels you start with is a really cool hook to be honest, and I think that throughout your poem you have all these curious little statememnts that isn't necessarily an expectation I had when I began to read this. It's a great little story that is chock full of metaphorical goodies. There...

For clarity, depends on who you are trying to appeal to. Your average reader? Most likely won't understand words such as perfidy and rectitudes. Overall? Short and sweet is good. I have no complaint with the phrasing, and the flow is well done. The story, though contained, is open ended enough to allow anyone reading to decide for themselves what the method acting entails- what's over? An agreement between friends on a mutual business adventure? A hit-man and the the person putting out the co...

An expansive topic that has been explored many times but one with instrinsic value nonetheless. I loved the exploration of hubris-paved good intentions, because for me pride if both a virtue and sin, context-dependent on its consequence. I really enjoyed the flow of your poem because while each stanza feels contained it all binds together in an aesthetically appealing way. I especially enjoy the last lines expansive meaning, because it explores the limitations of being. As a wordsmith your di...

My general impression is positive. This poem reads smoothly as though each individual line has been mulled over, rolled around, tasted and determined fit for human consumption. I admire your diction and the story flows in an insular way. To the end that your poetry is poetry, I think that the tempo is spot on and the flow (my general impression of how the sentences meld) is done well. I really enjoyed the topic too =) The second stanza is my favorite primarily because the flow from animals to...

Delightful. This amused, entertained, and warmed my heart. The poem is concise in a way most are not, and it is complete in its brevity. From my position as the reader I found there to be a flow to the poem that pleases the mind because while I try to expand the ideas your second stanza infers, I also am reined it from the final stanza. I would hesitate in the first stanza to call anything perfect, but that is a choice best left to those who read. In terms of reaching an audience, your poem i...

Bleak, but I really enjoyed this poem. I'll review each individual line and tell you what I believe. Line 1: I respect what this line is saying. Intuitively it seems like a contradiction, but on second and third read I understand what it is this line says. Individually we can shine without effort, and therefore we can be in such a state of being. Good use of evocative imagery. Line 2: Here I'm a little bit confused. Awaiting judgment by whom? Moreover, to earn insignificance wouldn't a person...

My heart was certainly warmed by this. Overall this was well though out and on the face very unique. The first stanza is great because it evokes imagery that I've certainly never seen in a haiku. Physics haiku are a unique niche that I think you might find is appealing to all those college students out there who study this everyday, and who sit and debate each other about the nature of what is and is not real. I know that overall these haikus are great in that they use the nature of reality i...