MarylebonePoet has no favorites yet.
AGE:
39
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 07
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 07
Items
Version 1
18 Reviews
3 Comments
Treatment His name is Levent, Mum used him before Checking out my legs for scleroteraphy I am not sure about the whole thing, Then comes the soft caressing, He follows the veins up and down Reaching towards the feet and back. He does that to everyone I guess, With those able warm hands. Transparent skin, enlarged veins, he mumbles Dropped the shoes as he asked, There they are my feet: so unloved I want to depart… Why doesn’t he wear gloves? He touches again, following the river of blood One h...
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Letter For You There was a bright red anorak, which I wore, To the date, we eagerly met, each others soul, Where, the lovers or the others gather no more. You were shy, sweet as pie and a cheerful guy. It was like in the movies, with a beginning in fall, Country trips, you loved music, driving and all, I was with you, telling everything you wish to know. You had feelings, a few friends, and a home to go. Once though, you were a child, innocent and quiet. Beautiful face, toys and games not eno...
Version 1
7 Reviews
3 Comments
Letter For You There was a bright red anorak, which I wore, To the date, we eagerly met, each other’s soul, Where, the lovers or the others gather no more. You were shy, sweet as pie and a cheerful guy. It was like in the movies, with a beginning in fall, Country trips, you loved music, driving and all, I was with you, telling everything you wish to know. You had feelings, a few friends, and a home to go. Once though, you were a child, innocent and quiet. Beautiful face, toys and games not en...
Version 1
9 Reviews
4 Comments
Denial It was my usual walk from Marylebone to the mews, I asked you to leave that night when the police came around. Wasn’t that long ago, a few weeks maybe more, Winter evening, it was raining, I’m repressing. With anger guarding my heart, wasn’t missing you as much, Then it came down pouring, when I pictured you in the kitchen, How did this all happened? I feel lonely, very lonely wanting to deny it all, But I see addicts in the square, waiting for their dealer, Then I remember why you can...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
To begin with, it is a bit too short for a short story. You seem to be in a hurry to tell the story. First sentence somehow doesn't feel right. I think it could be much better if the reader finds out that he was looking out the window for hours before coming back to the room. Rather than telling us " looking for conversation" you could give clues and indications to make it more interesting for the reader to discover. Second page where we find out about the character's office life and his desp...
I've done my best to read it to the beat you suggested but couldn't find the instrumental version. However I think got the beat in the end. First thing I noticed that if you keep the rhyming going all the way without any escape this peace could be very clear and powerful. Despite the fact that you could get away without rhyming in some lines because of the music. You need to rewrite or change this three lines as i think it breaks the rhythm stay strong as the world ignores me, why does everyt...
I can relate to your subject matter and I do like the idea of saying it twice. At first wasn't easy to read but second time around did enjoy it and felt close to the writer. But instead of having it say in varnished and unvarnished forms. I think the poem could be great if you combine them into one.
It is very interesting subject and I am with you exploring. First thing I've noticed was the formation of your poem which changes a lot. You start with 6 lines in first paragraph then it's 5 and 4 ... I would suggest that you think about that and try to make it more harmonies by having same amount of lines in every paragraph. In last paragraph I feel like you need to go deeper in emotions. Good work could be better.
I can relate to your style and what you have to say has got my interest. There is a good story in your lines a bit of resentment as well. In terms of forming the poem I would suggest more punctuation perhaps. Good work.
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People







